well i took mani mani pix tonight... so mani until pple asked mi if it were my bdae.. hee paiseh la
alvin + chrisseet.. we always sit together in the LT during our jc days.. pocky & 8days good old days rite?
leonard - my OGL frm medicamp
sintong frank edwin! - frens frm jc la. nice to catch up w u guys again man :) cya pple ard!! take care 

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY ALVIN!!
i know alvin since sec2 when we were in the same jap class but onli got to know him better during jc days..
he's a really nice guy! my fellow natsumatsuri kaki
may it be a good 21st year for you man!
it was a fun party! :) 

my CG :)
kope this off ouyang's blog 

mi & my frens.. 

nice big cushioned red wall n bigbig painting
US. 

hualahualagang. 

a self taken shot tt cud stuff in 6 pple.. rather proud of ourselves! nice job crystal!!
waiting 4 u to come bk from toronto ya :) 

a little glimpse into the food.. there's alot more!! i really like it.. how mani helpings did i go for tt nite? hmmmmmm mani mani sia 

birthday gal w birthday cake! 

us posing outside the suite.. 

wine & dine
great food great company :) 

peishan's bdae party at marriot hotel..
macam like prom! :)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY gal!!
had such a good time chilling out.. really miss those good old days.. my rg/rj frens.. hualahualagang + Frens of gang...
cya guys real soon. 

shots we took tt nite! :) 

had dinner w xy on wed nite.. :) xyairen flying off to china tmr nite.. take care dear
sad tt i cant meet the judo gals on fri aft.. coz when i wanted to leave my house it was pouring so heavily i wud get drenched once i leave.. so didnt go in the end
sorry folks.. meet up w u guys soon k.. :) 

just came home from peishan's birthday party..
HAPPY BE-Earli BIRTHDAY! :)
hope that the 21st yr of her life ll be filled with lotsa joy and happiness...

peishan's my goodfren since sec 3,4 rg days.. n was my fellow kaki in S03F also.. we kinda sit next to each other the whole of jc life la.. :) tt's how good frens we were.
i feel so happy to catch up w her n crystal fel ser py..
in serene words.. the evening seems surreal..
it's so fun and relaxing just to hang ard.. yea i agree w ser tt it feels like post-rg pre-rj days..
all those memories n fun we had in school came bk all of a sudden
i feel like i got zapped out of reality for a little while.. got pulled out frm my day-to-day routine.. just these couple of hrs.. i cud enjoy myself totally.. and feel so far away from my actual 'life'..
be with pple who know mi really well, and truly comfortable w my stupid antics and jokes.. whereby i can just be the way i want w/o feeling any restraint.
we laughed ALOT. haa q proud tt we bring cheer and laughter w us everywhere muahaha..
like i said, the day we stop laughing.. we die.


and well it was a v posh celebration, coz she booked a suite at marriot hotel..
the food was great, the red wine was nice too, and well all of us got to dress up macam like prom lidat.. once a again.. i can wear my lovely heels.. and not squash my toes in those covered-toes i've gotta wear everyday these days...
n it ended off w my frens hiding in a corner while i went to the loo.. such tt they cudnt be found anywhere.. and peishan's relatives were all q paiseh to leave and leave mi behind... ALONE @ abt 1130pm
in the end i found them behind this suspiciously quiet and dimly lit part of the corridor la..
haiz always do this kinda things.. tsktsk

the 45min worth of shopping frenzy was q exciting as well
just feel abit sad cudnt meet up w the judo pple this aft.. coz i was kinda trapped in sengkang due to the pouring rain

byebye crystal n xinyi.. have a safe trip gals! have fun
Happy belated birthday to Alvin & sangyu too...
MAY is the month for birthdays :)

siying n howen.. well siying poked the needle in n w howen's manouvering.. we finally saw blood coming out! yay :) 

mi n howen.. posing w the plug he helped put in

my hand!! the plug's q cool huh 

IV cannula n a couple of plasters frm points where bld was taken.. 

dr ngo taking randal's BP.. look q pro sia 

weikiong n randal..  

check out mi n my NG tube.. haha i was damn unglam yi ba yan lei yi ba bi ti sia.. 

1015am.. well i hafnt slept till so late for a long long long time.
since CSFC started, i always gotta get up earli on wkdays n even wkends coz of Assissi n tuitions.. damn shag sia
yest i was so tired my the time i got home i tot i wud disintergate.
but well yest was one of the most exciting days of CSFC so far i guess.. :)
there was tut w Dr W, and then w Dr T..
he said tt when i percuss my face's so near the patient tt i look like i was going to give CPR.. -.-" but well when he said tt i tot it was rather funny but dont look v good on me if i was laughing out loud aft my tutor corrected mi rite? haa but yea i guess so too.. gotta thank him for pointing tt out, coz i never realized tt.. must do everything w STYLE..
we giggled in front of the pt too when wk kinda cracked his ankle and dr tan told wk to try n not break his legs.

then there was H&N clinic..
Mr Tan's clinic tt we attended was q fun la..
he's a rather encouraging man.. if u didnt noe the ans he wud tell u it's ok since u're M2, i dont noe alot of things last time when i was a med student too
he oso told us he cant spell v well, tt's y his handwriting is so bad. didnt noe there are actual docs who thinks the same way as me. haaha
then my whole gp stayed bk even aft the clinics ended.. n started practising how to draw blood on each other.. everyone got poked n everyone poked i guess haha
mi sy n howen also tried out setting up IV plugs.. but onli howen got a successful one on my arm.. :)
most of us went home w 1 0r 2 plasters..
it was rather exciting to just kope those needles n syringes la.. the nurses say it's ok tho.
then we went to play w the BP machines n the ophtalmoscopes oso
yea we were so into playing w all these funny stuff tt we only left SGH nearing 8pm
so yep. it was a rather exciting day la

i just met weiqi on the lrt..
haa wah i almost cudnt recog her.. i saw her looking at mi n i was wondering if i know this girl.. until she called my name..
my memory of weiqi stayed at the time she was p4 n i was p6.. she's weiren's younger sis.. n we were in the prefectorial board 2gether..
wah n how she's waiting to enter NUS!
how time flies..
she still sound the same. v softspoken n gentle..
meeting frens frm childhood, makes mi feel much old-er... like how much we haf grown up

mdm N has discharged.. hope she's feeling better..

i woke up frm a nightmare. AGAIN
sigh these 2 wks haf been enshrouded w lotsa nightmares huh
at first i cudn't really recall wat it was
until i stood by my window for a little while n saw the few lighted units in the blocks across
then i remembered.
in my dream someone was watching mi frm the opp blk too
a woman's silhouette can be made out as the light source was coming from behind her.
i was running n hiding most of the time.. dunnoe from wat.
sigh.

the onli nite shot tt came out q ok :) pretty sia! - punggol jetty! a good place to go to for some peace n seabreeze i guess 

we r on our way to punggol 17th ave.. which is along puggol road.. in the forested area just b4 u reach punggol jetty which we go 2 to go ubin 4 OBS.. haa a rather ulu place.. but a country club tt's open to public ... there's punggol seafood, matilda bay, ubin seafood at the country club.. u can also rent boats to go out to play.. haaa we had q a good dinner.. but it was abit too spicy.. i was still going strong aft the chilli n pepper crab!! yummy.. the seafood's not bad la :) blur n tam-jiak mi.. was too busy eating so forgot to take out the camera to take pix.. so well onli haf these 3 random shots taken on our way there.. hope everyone had a good time.. later in the nite my dage sent mi n his gf to the punggol jetty for a while in it was v pretty!.. still got policepost lor.. n pple fishing.. so feel q safe la haa 

this is my dad.. he's always checking his little appointment bk at redlight if his students call to change/confirm their driving lessons.. haa.. last nite's dinner was to celebrate my dad's bdae in advance too.. his bade is this thu! so happy bdae to my dad! :) 

Happy Mother's day to my mama in advance :D 

i'm bk home frm a nice sakae sushi dinner w xunyu.. while eating i was reminded how mi ny n the rest always talk abt going for sushi buffet aft exams but we hafnt realli done it yet huh.. gotta find a day :)

anyway i had a good long chat with xunyu.. in the end i felt rather happy n contented la haa
it was suppose to b our indiv BS but we didnt realli do much of our stuff on the book.. but more of just chatting abt some general stuff.. i think i told her q abit of stuff i dont really tell pple abt.. so it felt q nice to have such a nice audience :).. i was happy she shared bits of her life w mi oso la..

anyway meeting her kinda cheered mi up abit frm a hectic day.. w mi arriving at & leaving SGH w a bad mood..

while this was a little entry i scribbled in my note bk on the train frm outram to habour front..

I used to have a little theory:
- not to expect too much from anyone, because no one is obliged to help you or look out for you.
I think about that in this way. with no expectations placed in anyone around me, I won't be disappointed easily right.

Why is it that time and again reality has to prove me right?
Why is it that I'll still be upset when i'm proven right?

Today i started my day w a very bad mood. Somehow once i reached SGH, on my long walk in, I manage to psyche myself up for the day. To immerse myself totally in all the action of my CSFC, be all smiley to everyone I see, try to learn and pick up stuff. But on that same long walk out of the hospital, at the end of the day, all the negative mood came back.
I felt so tired.. Just like a deflated balloon. Hope that this tiny balloon (on the Foley's catheter) that i have blown up, is only deflated by circumstance and hadnt burst in the catheter.

-end-

well i guess i cant stay upset for too long.. tinking that i had such an enjoyable evening

i started writing this at 11+ i tink now it's 1+
coz i've been on talking on msn n the phone for q a long while
now i damn tired
now i feel q lost tinking of the amt of work i haf piled up.. sorting out bits of scribbled pointers and histories..
i'm busy since the beginning of this wk.. all the way to next sunday. EVERYDAY till nightfall
the only time i'm free at home ll prob b this sun's aft.
time is precious time is short
y does sleep suddenly feel unimpt?
sigh

well the last 2 days haf been rather fun. more relaxed then clinics and can wear causal wear n SLIPPERS.. haa my toes feel free

got a first glimpse into surgery, learning all the different knots to tie and how to use instruments to suture.. on a skin pad
i tink i'm q bad at suturing.. haa need more practice sia..
but it's q cool..

then yest's 4 stations was IV, IM, venepuntcture and fundoscopy
during IV, my patient.. if he were real, wud probably haf bled to death @_@
so not v good..

IM was jabbing a buttcheek so q fun la
venepuncture was to draw bllok from a model arm also.. so gungho classmates drew each other's blood lor.. haa

fundoscope was damn cheem i cudnt see the optic disc.. onli cud see one blood vessel frm py's eye.. dunnoe how to maneouver leh and when i finally got to look at the model's eye.. my fundoscope no batt.. sobz* so cant see the little words they imprinted in the retina.

today had PerRectum exam..
well it's on a model again la.. but q cool.. like how to stick the index finger into the rectum and stuff... feeling for the prostate.. i cant imagine how to do on real pple tho..
guess haf to wait till HO's surgery posting

catheterization of male n female models
haa i tink i might burst the balloon in the male pt leh.. coz aft i used pple cant inflate the balloon liao..

but well LUBRICANT was word of the day man

then the heart sounds station was v cool also
frm this round black little pad on the table we heard all sorts of stimulated sounds.. murmurs, crepitations and stuff
in the end ears damn pain frm prolonged stethoscope jabbing it.. -.-"

last station was most exciting for mi..
it's to learn how to insert a nasogastric tube.. n the doc teaching us happen to b my surgery tutor.
he told us all the indications/contraindications/tests for successful insertion etc
then we did it on the model but v unrealistic coz v easy mah

the fuqiang volunteered to haf a tube inserted by jessica..
but on real pple it's damn hard la..
he teared n gaged still cannot.. then the expert in this.. who is a nus staff(i tink), he does endoscopy for pts in NUH.. v nice man
then he tired oso cannot coz i tink too traumatic 4 fuqiang liao

then everione sat ard for a while
n i suddenly felt like trying haa
i think i wan2 noe how a pt feels like w an NG tube insertion mah.. since i'll b inserting this into pple's noses next time
so i volunteered lor..

daniel was the one inserting..
actually i think daniel's q good.. in comforting the tearing n distressed pt.. telling mi to relax n breathe.. but i kept gaging n wan2 vomit.. it was damn uncomfortable at the bk of the throat..
n i was v tense i tink
my shoulders were all stiff n later my fingers were so stiff tt they were pale..
haa
w the tutor n everione looking haiz telling mi 2 relax and breathe

daniel first soak the tube in warm water to soften it..
then he roll it in a puddle of lubricant
then he started inserting lor
it went in q smoothly i tink, w some discomfort onli, until it reached the bk of the throat..
then the hard part came.to maneouver it down the esophagus, while timing it w my swallowing action..
i kept tearing.. i kept gaging.. for a moment i tot i wud vomit my eemee out frm lunch
but we struggled for a long time still cannot.. everitime i gag he got to pull it out abit, wait for mi to calm down then insert again
i saw daniel's gloved hand shaking slightly sia.. i tink he see mi so tense n distressed he oso lagi stressed.. paiseh paiseh
but in the end they let mi rest a while n the tutor continued

so he tired the left nostril this time.. but apparently it's too narrow.. cant even reach the nasopharynx area.. so i had to go thru the right side again..
n aft much of the same struggle he got it in..
it feels weird.. the tube moving down..
but in the end abt 45cm of the tube went in and yay everione clapped. we all rejoiced. i tink some pple took my pix too. haiz so yi ba yan lei yi ba bi ti infront of my classmates la.. unglam leh
nvm
we didnt do the tests to check coz i was clearly rather traumatized
so he tutor told mi to exhale one long breath.. n he speedily pull out the tube..
wah wat a relief.

now i know.. how a pt w a NG tube feels..
now i know la. :)

just spoke to caleb over the phone for sometime.. i didnt hold on to wat i decided upon.. hmm but i guess now i feel ok either way, i guess he's rite. it's too premature for me to decide i think..

i was suddenly reminded of wat i use to tell others,
to pull out of something prematurely, even b4 it happens just cause u r worried doesnt make sense.. it's probably more of my style to stay till the very end and if need b.. i can walk out of it as and when i feel that i want to. and have no regrets or nothing to hold me back.

found a quote while flipping through oxford handbook of clinical medicine
think it's in Macbeth:

Come what come may,
Time and the hour runs through the roughest day.

haa
this is for all my frens who feel tt they cant hang on anymore..
huay! Jiayou at studying.. wan2 ask u if u wud b bk for my bdae not ar?

i'll prob need this quote when clinics start again on thu.. haa
i really indulged in the free time i had this long wkend.. didnt read as much as i wanted to but slept super long hours.. damn shiok leh.. i feel really refreshed..
altho my slp was accompanied by many nightmares..
but well at least i slept q abit..
:) happiness sia

well it's only been the first week of clinics but it seemed like a lifetime already
i've been feeling tired perpectually, never stood so long my whole life.. but well it's also very interesting and exciting what we see in the clinics everyday..
i learnt so much in these few days... whew :)
but well the stress is there still.. i cant ever seem to finish reading wat i set out to read everiday.
Every night i would come home, bathe, talk to my mum abt how tired i'm, and open the first pg of wat i wanna read.. then convince myself tt if i dont lie down, my back would break.. then drift off to sleep.. haaa

monday
had lots lectures.. met my tutor Dr Low for the first time in the evening, and immed he took us to the clinics for an intro.. met a pt, with meliodiosis..
well it really impressed me how my tutor could actually diagnose him without even looking at the pt, just by lookg at all the circumstantial evidence, stuff surrounding the pts, he could actually diagnose him.
i learnt more abt Meliodiosis than i ever did in M2 haaa
"Read the TextBook..!" he always say..
Dr Low.. always "scolds" us.. pt out ur mistake in ur face.. tell u he cant believe u passed 2 Pros exams, y is the std of med students so low these days.. haa walao.. i haf learnt 2 b faceskin thick thick let him criticize lor..
but we all like him alot, i think he makes alot of sense.. i'm appalled by the amt of stuff i have actually forgotten already.. and he justs wans to correct u so tt u'll learn, or go bk n read more.
i always feel bad to disappoint him la :(
but well he bought us drinks on wed can.. wed was resp day!
we heard bronchial breathing frm Mr L and crepitations of an auntie..
then learnt to do a whole resp examination on randal in a SOC..
aft lunch we went bk join his clinics and met up w a He-She, and he blanjia us and his nurses drinks. he actually bought diff drinks for each of us.. coke light for a girl, barley for sunburnt randal, greentea for weikiong..
how nice is that man.

at nite we had surgery tutorial w Dr Yong..
he looks v young, altho he's a consultant..
he can speaks alot of languages.. to diff pts, diff lang
he's very nice i think, esp in his way of communicating w his pts.. n he was v patient w us..
i'm impressed by surgeons.
met pts tt underwent surgeries and recovering
felt a thrill off an uncle's arm

tues was communications day
Dr Ajith.. pointed out tt when he ask me what i was feeling at that time, i would tell him what i was thinking at that time..
make me realize i'm not constantly connected to tt little voice in me haa
met a kid.. he's so cute.. i really like him
he's got TOF tho tt poor kid.
he told us tt we r not a nuisance.. we come w goodwill and hope to leave some joy in pts aft toking to them.. :)
Dr Chong is v funny too
i like most abt the part he actually encouraged and managed to get us communicating w a hakka lady, when non of us knew how to speak hakka, but well we just got lucky cause she could understand teochew :)

thurs was surg w dr wong..
got us to clerk n present, woah for the first time!
n corrected us along the way..
learnt abd exam frm him too
he's a v patient n in-control kinda doc i think
well most of them are v in-control

fri, we went for mask-fitting..
my whole gp had to wait for me cause i failed the mask fitting 3 times and only passed on the 4th..
i always dio the bitter tasting fumes even aft wearing the mask...
so now i'm a drager 1870
haizz... i tok prob i'll use a bigger size because i got big face but didnt noe it ended up so mafan had to change so many times..
now i haf 3 masks at home for souvenirs lor.. haaa

crashed dr wijaya's tutorial..
she's such a nice tutor.. got to hear murmurs and ball-and-socket sounds from some patients..
went off for tut w mrlow again.. n kena whacked upside down again w our presentation..
but well i learnt alot tt day
was q grateful he actually spent the last 1/2 hr b4 his presentation to teach us.. woah :)

met a pt the day b4, was v surprised tt she had ovarian torsion when it was only suspected gastritis..
but glad she's well n can be discharged already.

sat was me crashing dr ling's tut...
learnt alot abt clerking n presentation as well..

met up w the YN pple.. had a good long chat w ny

yest i had tuition and the rest of my day.. i kept sleeping so i didnt study..
today i woke up frm a nightmare.. haiz *sobz*
but well gotta do some studying today man.

ohoh
and how could i forget the special jalankayu cheese prata delivery by MC n chekwun
thnx man! it was damn nice :)