身勝手なあたし
ちょっとはずかしい
なみだはなげれぼしみたい

:D もくひょがあるけど

hey airen.. when u say -smile- this is wat i tink of :) tks

yest i knock an ah pek's head w my head.. i scared he got head lice shit he better dont haf...
while walking along the corridor in outram to nel..
he came frm the bk lor.. i was digging in my bag to look for my wallet w head slightly bent.. he was walking realli quickly coming frm the bk
tink he was lookg at the floor la
then our head collapsed
it was a non elastic collision and energy wasnt conserved and our heads were not stuck together? (damn cant rem phy)
:s

hafnt been feelg too good these days
today was the greatest challenge of the power of my anal sphincter, sphincter vesicae and s. urethra
sitting thru anat tut feeling like crap was no joke
and i tink tea is a diuretic or sumthing
aniwhere i scaled great heights to settle my prob
hope i dont get sick again
dont feel q right

actualli wat propelled mi to write issit all tt's said above
since im at it then shunbian la

我可能是一個比較理性的人吧
雖然我常叫別人要隨心所欲
但是。。

心裡有點不好受
言語有點難表達
朋友需要你的時候
你在哪
我好像忽略了朋友的需要
但卻還是沒能去給予慰藉
更糟的是 這是自己的選擇
對不起

可能是我想太多
可能這不是這次的重點
但
我并不喜歡這樣的自己
有點自私
人說
人不為己 天誅地滅
我從來無法苟同
但如今 我卻成了此 ﹖俗語的代言人﹖
沒辦法不這麼理性
但同時也可認清自己有時也有這種需要
如何應對呢﹖
常讓自己不去想﹐不去問﹐不去麻煩人
再也找不到像我如此愛逃避的人了吧
我不知道自己想說什麼
應該是內疚吧
還有點擔心
怕“老大”當得太沒用
可能自始至終就有點沒有
一年後一切將改變
第一次有些彷惶
第一次覺得每個人越走越遠

總歸 人都有私心
遷就別人曾經是我的專長
希望
不會失去
希望
還來得急
不想說了
該讀書了

沒有辦法有英文寫出自己的感受
因為沒有辦法把心赤裸裸的展現給別人
用中文是讓有緣人讀吧
若用日文是根本無法讓別人知道的事情
卻無處宣泄

宣泄完畢
讀書讀書
再不下苦功 又會重蹈覆輒

argh my hairband broke!
the one tt haf been w my since a levels
since i broke my arm..
thru thick and thin now reduced to a non-functional object
*sobz*

watched the BEST BET vcd todae
kao... it's mother hokkien haha
tink my hokkien comprehension improved quite abit from tt show
i wud say it was rather entertaining
and there's an unexpected twist in the show
tt i tot was rather good haha
at least there's a plot...

was trying to read a jap novel tt i bought mani yrs back..
there's a story titled "the story of ms tulip"
haha its a story frm the tulip's point of view la
manage to plog thru 2 pages of it
and guess wat
the tulips says she a red flower, 30cm tall
she hates two kinds of animals.. namely humans and cats
there's this young girl whu waters her everidae
but she's a moron coz she always gif too much water n cause her roots to rot
so ms tulip actualli moved in front of her in attempt to tell her to stop n try to escape despite being told tt if she moves in front of humans she'll b KILLED
haha but the girl jus doesnt get it

she once saw an animal called a car hit a person
and red stuff flowed out on the streets and the person ceased to move

she also dislikes a stupid cat tt like to dig the soil ard her
and she hopes tt the cat can hurry spill red stuff and cease to exist

the she talks about the horror stories she heard abt other flowers
how humans like to chop off their heads and pin the heads on their chest
how its disgusting tt humans like to hang corpse of orchids on their chest
and dried flowers..
they r jus dried corpses
she cant understand how human haf great interest and like to decorate themselves w corpses


?????
haha wat an insightful story
cadevers huh?
two pages r mobid enough for the day i guess
a tulip's pov
i neva tired lookg frm there

@_@

looking at xinyi's blog made mi wanna blog abit more too..
hah guess i hafnt been writing recently
better start doing it b4 i live my life w/o tinking abt it too much
oh went to watch mando b the hot one-n-onli lady onboard tt all the guys like haha
impressive mando!
then carol aka the god
whu controls sunrise n sunset was good too hee

oh met w the yunnan pple on sat too
starting to feel tt its not too bad to cum on this trip after all
altho the pple there r abit hallelujah for mi
budden i brought mi abit of insight as to their faith la
not tt im totally n'sync w their tinking but hmm jus know abit more abt how other pple belive in their beliefs? :)

i feel abit sad though emailing eugene abt the skills i haf
suddenly realize tt i dont realli haf mani skills
lilke abit unaccomplished n useless
well i can always learn but yea i need to learn la

today i slept till realli later
doze off like twice aft i woke up
wa the long awaited rest but hee better go read abdomen n go figure how pple can get abs la hor
n thorax
yea yea tests tests cuming ca cuming
i better buck up
in case sum pple look mi no up haha

oh oh last nite went to gif my cousins tuition
aft i parted w serene n py tot i jus drop by to help
hah the funniest thing happened!
but due to great impact on one's reputation
i cant publicize
but angel n liv.. u noe wat im toking abt rite? hahaha
okok
i apologize for harping on it

still feel abit sad abt yong qin's death of zhen qing last wk
aiyoh today i watch like she not ard so sad lidat
mi n my mama cried torrents when she died la sigh...

ok hi monday here i cum

haha pple check this out
its quite cool
chap 8 w the mum giving birth looks rather painful
got my mama n mi cringing abit w the lady at parturition
my mama kept saying.. y is her dad there?!?
haha
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/miracle/program.html#

tink i ought to create a new post so tt the big F*** dont glare starkly at pple
paiseh yea
im usualli not so vulgar hee
im relaxed n cooled once again i guess.. :P

fuck
i dropped my phone
so angry w myself im so gonna burst
tink i haf zero anger management
argh
hmm

relac
i always sae so
but i might jus haf cardiac failure if i try to relac la
tightness in the chest
gekkkk

the phone now doesnt haf the tinglingting sound animore
the one tt mando likes
the phone doesnt reset itself animore
when i press no
they dont go away when i close n open

wat the shit

my bro n my dad is surprisingly nice abt it
my dad tell mi its ok
he go get it fix for mi
my bro tell mi
everione haf days whereby they tink tt life sux
well tts nice of them

i guess ill jus explode at pple when they cum bother mi on a bad day
but now
im trying to calm down frm exploding within
or at myself

damn
today
is a bad day

so be it... so be it

OK
'papa, wud u pls take a pic of mi?'
'ok'
(repeat 2x) haha

aniwae today is a happi dae for serene
like i said
im honored to witness it haha
oh its a happi dae for mi too
altho i didnt keep mentioning it
:D

cant rem the last time i went out to shop for tt sole purpose
usually its shun bian frm sch ya
slacked damn alot hahah
tink i needed this aft mugging my ass off for the anat fa

ok
i slept till rather late today
yea :D
then at 11 + a went out
so i tink i walked for almost 12hrs today
my quadriceps femoris, tricpes surae n hamstrings r rather tired now
but its
OK

my agenda for the dae was to go out w my cousins n shop for a bdae present for my ah ma
but they were LATE
but its
OK

so i found myself walking n walking alone frm mrt to wisma to taka n to kino
found two rather cool books
one says MUTANT
its has all the birth deformities, conjoined twins n stuff in it
exciting
but abit scary too

then i found STIFF
it toks abt cadavers n death
hmm
how to determine when a person is realli dead
like a doctor even researched on it
claiming tt his patients lost 3/4 ounce immediately aft death
he made the necessary precautions to made sure tt it wasnt due to bowels or evaporation or anithing of tt sought
hmm he did it on 15 dying dogs
but they show no sign of weight loss at death
he was trying to make death aka the loss of your soul as sumthing tangential n substantial...
and dogs didnt haf soul as stated in his religion (watever it might b)
but it started an outrage la
pple r skeptical (so am i)
n pple were wondering how he cud find 15 dying dogs as n when he wanted them
so they claimed tt he poisoned them n slowing observed them die for the sake of his little experiment
i didnt finish reading tt bk
but its cool
ill try to locate it in the library next time

then serene came to meet mi
coz i told her i ll b out w my cousins mah
budden so qiao we on the phone so i invited her la
shes in a good mood today
she treated mi to coke
help mi carry a bag
n offered to buy mi chewren's day present

okok then we walked ard kino
met my cousins
ate at marche
tried 2 help mingli solve an a math qn in marche using their tissuse paper n scaring the staff i tink
we like 4 girls competing to solve so math qn lidat

then we went shopping for a bag
for ah ma
we went to og
n met my long-time-no-see-auntie
i like her quite abit last time
but jus abit awkward n i was abit lost for words la
but we walked n walked damn alot of places down the whole orchard rd
n we finally settlled on a new arrival og bag
yea
happi be-earli bdae to ah ma!!

okok settled w the present
n spent time w menbers of HEAL
my cousins haha
tink angel n serene can click quite well like wat serene say haha
n yea was fun
they better go study for o and a aft this wk end ar
i nag once again
DONT SLACK ANIMORE
hee

then we went ps in search of a movie but no haf
went spotlight in seach of lace but no haf
then we went in seach of jap food n haf!!
its at ps basement
ichiban sushi i tink
they haf the conveyer belt sushi mah
then the place is abit small n squeezy
i like leh realli more like a japan kinda place
the ambience
the food more exciting n prettier than sake sushi i tink
so yea tink ill go again
we eat till we happi n full
n sneakily drink the raspberry sprite we smuggle in frm carrefour

then we went esplanade
n watch pple dance watch pple act watch pple photog watch pple la
then we stand along the river n tok tok
took lots of pic too haha
of ourselves
n of our own depiction of each member of GANG (*new!)
haha it was damn funni la
two ah siaos along spore river
lamenting abt y no guys in our gang
haha
but yea feeling happi la
fullerton is beautiful
i always wanted to go to the river walk ard n cross the pretty bridges there
but today i crossed like four or more bridges lor
while we walked ard tt whole area trying to get to clark quay
satisfied my urge n desire once n for all ya
haha but yea still tink its nice
we walked damn alot today my legs r damn tired haha
but yea today is rather happi
oh shud be yest liao huh

okok
in conclusion
i miss slacking
i miss hafing no worries abt tests n work
although got lots of tut n reading to catch up
well theres always tmr
hee
neva like go out w onli serene b4 i tink
not in recent times
haha was rather fun
of coz w my cousins too
but yea today is a happi day

ps sorrie pple for making this a documentary
jus felt like documenting a happy day in this entry as a documentary

:)
tmr bk to reality
got two tuitions
n tutorials to do
again....
well one happi dae shud last mi for sumtime i guess :)

今日 は雨を降りました
父さんは「もう秋ですよね」 て
そうかな-
私最近 「プライド」を見ています
何か、秋は話たいこと理解しますよ
春との会話、私も同じ返事をやるかも
それじゃ、私もそんな冷たい人分かるな？
春のような人会えますか？
彼はなんかかわそう
春この季節は冬に続けて、だからまだまだ冷たいでしょう？
でもその冷たの後、まだ暖かいですよね。
私ほんとに 「秋」 この名前、季節大好き
涼しく落ち着いている感じ
気持いいな-
その二人の将来どうかな-
エンディング見ければ分かる
私のは。。。
さ、わからない
もうすぐ二十歳になるですけど
一回、一度もない
心の声 聞こえるか、聞きたいのか？
寂しさ？
「知らないことが恋しいでわない」
ね-

yea although i told quite a few pple liao n provided free entertainment for all of them
i shall tell the story of mi kena cheated by ah pek!!
jus for the record in case i want to read it to entertain myself next time
neva pian cai, neva pian se though but yea pian my feeeeling n time la i guess

i was on my way bk home aftt sending my tut kid to the lrt station
on last rainy sunday
the at my void deck got an ah pek
he starting call mi la
ah muay.. which is like xiao mei
at first i jus walked on but he kept calling then i look at him la
then he asked mi to go over

aiyoh getting long winded
then hor
he wanted mi to buy duck rice n kopio of him la
summore got mani request like
dun wan to sauce la rem to take spoon la all those la
then i tink tink
but he say he leg pain like so poor thing lidat so i okok lor
he gave mi $3.10
i ask him he sure enuff not coz i onli brought my hp no $$
he say enuff then enuff la

i mean jus spend some time n effort wont die rite
budden it was like 1220 liao
n my other tut kid cuimg at 1 mah
so i hurry hurry go buy

when i reach the food court
i realise tt duck rice is onli going at 3.30
told the stall keepers discretely whether they can sell mi 2.50 worth of duck rice la
walau so paiseh
they tell mi xiao jie we onli sell 3 or 3.50 ones
so i boh pian tell them
dont lidat la i buy for sum ah pek i no $$ pls pls
sumthing along these lines
then kena laughed at but i managed to buy it u c
but in the end forgot to ask them not too add the sauce
so ah pek too bad la huh

then i went to the drink stall
n asked them if their kopi o is 60c rite rite??
walau they say 80c
i sad n sianz liao
so started 'begging' the stall holders AGAIN
then yea i tell i onli got 60c left on mi la
pls pls so ah pek ask mi to buy one
then they laugh laugh again n okok lor

jus then my mama called
n she scolded mi upside down la
she say i so stupid
the ah pek abit wierd n siao one
always downstairs everidae ask pple to buy things for him
he even asked my mama a few times b4!!
n my mama oso witness him asking other pple oso
most pple say they not free la

then when i walked bk
nearing the void deck i saw my mama toking to him
then i tink tink
the ah pek cham alreadi sure let my mama say till die
n yea indeed my mama told him to rem my face, mi her daughter n he better dont ask mi again coz i busy, my tut kid cuming, which is true n its 1245 alreadi.. mi wet n lunchless still
then yea n he say okok paiseh paiseh
he say dont tell AH LIAN
haha god noes whu is she
but yea my mama say if he ever ask mi again
she ll go tell AH LIAN
n tt scared the shit out of him la

later my mama tell mi tt he was strolling ard everiwhere when she went downstairs ll waiting for mi to cum bk
i mean he kinda forgotten he leg pain la(tsk)
then my mama go ask him tot u told my daughter u leg pain?!?
n he paiseh hurry hurry sat down on the chair
my mama say u so free y dont go buy urself he say her no umbrella
when she threaten to go his house to see if he realli got umbrella not he jus kept quiet

so in the end my mama concluded
he's jus abit boh liao n wierd n lazy
n trying to use not enuff $$ to buy stuff hoping other pple ll pay 4 him so tt he shun pian zhuan dao

so yea
this is the lengthy story of my contact w an ahpek
n as n epilogue : my tut kid came earli was standing outside door liao when i came bk at 1245
so i went on to teach my third tut of the day W/O lunch
so haha
(huimin get humpy w/o food rite? gang?)

i mean i feel abit cheated onli la
not so bad
but fake leg pain walau
i indeed entertained the thought of kopping his 3.10 n going home w it aft he gave mi
but i told myself to banish tt evil thought
aft hafin say so much
i still tink i wud go help the next elderly tt try to fake mi la
haha i mean i shud gif them the benefit of the doubt rite?
but my mama ll say i kena cheated alreadi oso dunnoe
sigh
but yea if this ah pek ask mi the next time..

ill go complain to AH LIAN!!

- THE END -

to zhijia
heyhey jus read ur letter
while u rem my "zha! gege", i'll always rem how u as a huazhugege fanatic enslaved mi to b ur slave/eunuch and i ben ben agreed.. hafing served u loyally for almost 4yrs?
haah
good old days in rg
take care of urself gege ya
hope u haf a safe flight, flying off now to the other side of the globe
n yea technology ll keep us close n in contact ya
work hard n jiayou 4 everithing

:)always willing to serve u..
da liu zi

its an eventful day again
breakfast w oilvia n peiyun
nice kaya toast n egg hee
ll miss olivia
n zhijia whom i jus sent off a while ago

heard the tok on the yunnan yep
tink its a rather enriching experience la
helping pple
getting out of comfort zone
SERVE
hmm
hope i can go n lookg forward to it man

oh serene mus haf "big-open some eye-boundaries" today
second fren tt i drove ard
hee she praised mi so yea haha :P
oh n my dad brought us to supper w his frens
namely tua pek n a-uncle-who-has-a-daughter-in-smu
haha i neva c the second uncle b4 but yea all my dad good fren la
i like the uncle leng tt look like my tua pek
haha tink he v happi to find someone whu enjoy slowly savouring crab like him
n tt ll b mi
haha
hes nice
all the uncle uncle rather cute n endearing tok abt everithing, suan my dad, remind mi of mi n my frens too
the crabs quite good today
i abit full n sleepy now
hee
satsified!

wa reminded mi of the good old days when i was taking driving lessons frm my dad
then everi nite aft my lesson
he ll bring mi to eat supper w his buddy buddy
haha they chat tok
i quietly eat lor
aha
;)

i had an adventure yest
frm sengkang to ponggol
nice fun exciting happi

sometimes i feel lousy n small
im lousy

went shopping w judo gals
had lotsa fun
happi happi happi
:)

reflect upon my self
sad lousy sianz

gemini = moody
disturbing

finally a wk has passed hols again
huayu is almost gone for a wk liao n i realised tt i missed sangyu's departure oso
due to my procrastinatn in getting in touch w her to find out when exactly she was leaving..
i suck rite
n my shitty 55/100
im lousy la
but mi ll tell myself tt if i studied hard i wud do better
hope la hope
tink gotta buck up coz i guess a doc cant erm n cant recall where the median nerve lies rite?
oh but voon's lec was fun n nice
n i learnt how to communicate w patients in coma in my lec while i was sleeping on sat morn's lec haha
but wanting to work hard aside
realli thankful for the hols la
realli realli happi :D
slacking away..

didnt realli cry alot when huayu left huh
unlike mi when i was younger...
but getting her phone call bk i realli nice la
so excited for her
tink she ll haf lots of fun
but i hope she noe tt she can fall bk on her gang anitime ya

im incoherent
n sleepy
but hafnt been feeling too good sumdaes recently
mayb coz i cant articulate my emotions too well la
i oso dunnoe
jus feel abit wierd
if i snapped at anione
i apologize
not so sunny like the weather hor
gloomy rainy dark sianz
n no zhen qing today :(
i tink the piggy soft toy tt i gave huayu looked like shang deng qing jia
haha
the qinghua qingyun's mum w its slitty eyes
scary haha

today i learnt tt snake has alot of bones wow
tot they look rather boneless to mi
ignorance
n they haf mani mani ball n socket joints
the a dragonfly nymph stays in water for 1-3yrs
b4 becoming an adult depending on its species until tadpole which stays in water for abt 3-5 mths b4 becoming a frog

the adv of gifing pri sch tut
haha
but sian had two today so abit zonk out liao

魔力
I have you to be with
Everything will be easy
晒的阳光 淋的雨滴 都值得回忆
I have you to be with
才懂心不够近才怕距离
心电感应 绝不断讯
会如影子随瑚
曾灰心以为 我来错了世界
太多想法很另类 找不到人了解
当我说的感觉 牵动著你的脸
互动的泪 让我们变得特别
你是我的魔力 想要勇敢就想你
一眨眼睛 把不如意 都变成流星
你是我的魔力 心情不好我就想你
删除忧郁 复制甜蜜
笑容不结冰
幸福是间电影院 没有单人的座位
要肩碰肩 才能看好戏上演

the previous post is abit distrubing so i guess a new one ll b good
im sleepy but muscles of the lower limb damn
realli hope the prof dont always cum ask my qn
i noe i shud prepare n stuff but i did jus not enuff huh

i resoluted a few things this few days
dunnoe if i cud do them
ah shit shudnt sound demoralised b4 anithing has even started

my resolutions
change certain things la inertia is not good
love my books n notes n onli my bks n notes? haha
pay more attention to my frens whu need attention

die tink i need alot of tea tmr morn
aniwae the resolutions r lidat vaguely
im not too ok w stating them explictly they r 4 me n myself

being huayus party laision was rathing tiring
haha but i had fun
washing fruits like malay ladies
maria working handinhand w thumbi
putting up PARTY signs everiwhere but scared mata catch us
n when ll i ever get a chance to make a whole BIG pot of ribena w a garden hose oops.. hee
bringing pple to the toilet
topping up the longan fruit thing
bringing chairs for pple
haha
i like so bAngLa lidat but yea im glad i was of help

huayu is flying off in abt 10hrs
sigh
then she ll b gone 4 9mths
our frenship dates bk to 7+yrs
qi nian de gan qing rite rite
ll miss her la
but she ll b bk
she ll b bk
i dont like farewells
but reunions r fine hopefully w/o ani wierd british accent haha
tmr
hmm tmr we c each other at the airport la
@_@

be-earli bon voyage ( i didnt write w smudged orange ink) haha

i'm very sad today
p.s. pls dont ask mi y. i mean it.