I've not have time to sit down, rest and reflect, since i've started work 3 weeks ago. Working is a whole world different from studying for MBBS. Although the last few months of studying was a long drawn nightmare, working seems to be a lifelong commitment.

At the beginning, I felt really lost and helpless. It was nice to have our HOMO around where we can hide behind them and they'll help us settle most things. So i'm very grateful to WL for teaching me loads of stuff. Now my new senior SH is really nice too, which i'm grateful for.

But there are good time and bad ones. In paeds we deal with kids n parents. Kids are cute when they are well, but when they are sick n whiney they can get q irritating at times. There was ibu girl that got me abit shorttempered cause she was terribly whiney. But there was Servy who gave me chocs when he was discharged n his mummy brought him to the MO rm to look for me, to give me a big hug before he went home. Those were really sweet moments. Then there are my wonderful staff nurses, who always ask me to go home, cause i'm always the first to arrive n the last to leave in my ward, and they ask me everyday whether i'm on call.

At first i was q scared of some of them, cause they feel that q intimidating, but with time, when they know i'm really trying despite being very slow, they are very sweet. They'll offer me food, run to get me drinks at 4am, when i walk into the ward on call, having onli had lunch earlier and feeling so dehydrated i need 3% correction. I got to drink from the baby bottle, n i was even offered Pedialyte haa. I've been offered icecream n chocs n food, which was really nice. Wonderful nurses really help. They tell me where to insert the cannula, help me find veins, tell me what and how to order some meds, when i was clueless.

There were times when i feel so tired n sian, and i really feel like crying.. Days when i cudnt go post call and everything went wrong. Where i got shouted at for my mistakes, and even worse off, where i cudnt be of help n caused more trouble for others. It was terrible. Going on call every 4 days is q trying. I'm either precall, oncall or postcall + 1 free day. And you'll learn wat not to say to certain people in a hard way.

I dont feel that i'm doing much "saving lives" but i know there are little things we can do to facilitate and help the patients n their families during their stay. There's alot of communication with the angry parent, it happens every other day. And learning how to sian your way thru some occasions is essential. Sometimes what you say is not rocket science, but they are just too anxious to see it.

I work in the paying class ward, apart from richer locals we take care of many foreigners, some are rich some are poor. They stay in the A class ward because they are not locals. They run out of money to receive treatment here and have to AOR. They dont speak our language and look so lost and helpless and i've seen a Viet mummy cry in a corner, and i felt so bad that i cant even give her a few words of comfort. All i can do is make sure that the letter to the Opthalmo doc in Viet be as detailed as possible, with wat's been done for the child here. I admire the IMS translator ladies, who really did their best to translate for their fellow countrymen, with me bugging them many times a day, they never once got irritated. I felt touch when a daddy ask me for my namecard after thanking me profusely, but i told him i'm too junior to hold a namecard. It's always wonderful to see kids get well n get to go home. But the kids in HD are really poor thing.. To do daily bloods for them is almost impossible. Sigh

Colleagues are important, most of my classmates turned colleagues really make my day sometimes. They'll ask if i need help on call, buy me food n drinks. It's nice. And a funny reg n know realli made my day, when i was so depressed. She forgot her mask n was hiding her face behind her sari hahaaha i cudnt stop laughing while walking home. I hope to be more efficient at work, hope to slp a couple of hrs on call, hope to not sit on my train n reach punggol, or miss my lrt stop n had to travel 1 whole loop post call.. haiz

i'm tired of being tired.
hope the last few days of the 23rd yr of my life's better n i'll have a happy 24th. :)