haaa it's Winona Ryder.. not Rider..
on Wikipedia which i happen to chance upon, she was 19 when she filmed Edward Scissorhands and Johnny Depp 27 was her then boyfren.. they were actually engaged for 3 yrs haa
(random gossip)

haaa and my bro showed me this tonight.. liv told me it created a hype in NTU last sept already
hee i'm slow but here it is. just for laughs.
feedback feedback feedback.. the YLL SOM love asking us to do feedback.. cant imagine anyone writing things like that down. i'm too hum to write also la (since we have to log it and it's no longer confidential) haaa
the prof's real funny i think.



dont i just love youtube?
haaa but spent too much time on it tonight i think.. haa :P

in an attempt to find the smurf lullaby on u tube.. guesswat i typed in the word "lullaby"
and found this video first on the list!
oh my tian.. i cant imagine pple singing this song to poor kids trying to get them to sleep.. show them the mtv! even better..
shivers down my spine.. haaa
(dont watch it if u dont wanna b disturbed!) haaaa
but i must say the lyrics q interesting.. paints a nice picture haa..
oh my tian!


The Cure - Lullaby Lyrics

spy something begining with S.......

On candystripe legs the spiderman comes
Softly through the shadow of the evening sun
Stealing past the windows of the blissfully dead
Looking for the victim shivering in bed
Searching out fear in the gathering gloom and
Suddenly!
A movement in the corner of the room!
And there is nothing I can do
And I realise with fright
That the spiderman is having me for dinner tonight!

Quietly he laughs and shaking his head
Creeps closer now
Closer to the foot of the bed
And softer than shadow and quicker than flies
His arms are around me and his tongue in my eyes
"Be still be calm be quiet now my precious boy
Don't struggle like that or I will only love you more"
But it's much too late to get away or turn on the light
The spiderman is having you for dinner tonight

And I feel like I'm being eaten
By a thousand million shivering furry holes
And I know that in the morning I will wake up
In the shivering cold

The spiderman is always hungry...



the guy in bed reminds me of Edward Scissorhands (1990 - tim burton film)
i remember johnny depp frm the show but i forgot tt the female lead was winona rider.. wat a pleasant surprise when i watched the youtube video.
and i didnt know it was remade into a dance-theatre perfomance! cool.. it's a matthew bourne's adaptation.



Matthew Bourne on Edward Scissorhands


haa i manage to find it in the end.. it's the lullaby the kid sang in the last min of the video! haaa
"Guten Abend, gut Nacht." (Lullaby by J. Brahms.)

Almost Angels - Part 7

last night a fren made q an astute observation abt me, which took me by surprise. ^_^

i love going to piano class frm home, but these happen v rarely.. only during holidays, study break or community medicine posting.
going to bus 27 busstop is a nice stroll in the evening and the weather these days are perfect.. nice n windy.. abit chilly but sunny nontheless.
i'll always get abit nervous when i climb the overhead bridge to get to the other side of the road cause if i see my bus it means i wud haf to run for my life.. haaa just like AH days going to take bus 100(?) 2 harbour front.
then i wud sit at my fav ledge and dangle my feet while waiting for the bus..
the bus is usually crowded at this time as everyone's on their way home...
and by the time i reach tampines, the sun wud haf set.. so in just a short busride i would have travelled from daytime to nighttime haaaa
but the sun is setting later than usual i think, or was it the rain? because i rem it was much darker when i left my house for piano in december...

anyway i heard this loud sound as i walked towards tm.. they are actually demolishing the building tt says "spotlight" beside the mrt! work was still going on as i walked by and the rumbling sound's pretty loud..
then there was a 20min shopping frenzy before class n i was like a min late but luckily mrcheng havnt started :P

i learnt a new song today to play on the piano! actually it's a new name for a song i've always known..
Wiegenlied - J Brahms
it's the lullaby tt smurfs sing i think hee.. the one mo likes n zhenrong used to play when he was the DJ for the late night show last time..
:)

me n beng got sontong frm oldchangkee! nice haaa
n i came home~*

on 27.. passed by ikea@tampines..
went there q abit during hols in dec.. love the big yellow IKEA sign..
it's hugh!! when the bus pulled up at the busstop beside tt place
n it's so brightly lit at nite! haaa now it'll b the next pretty site along tpe.. aft the river tt runs thru sengkang tt i like as well..

last night, sitting at the sci canteen till 1030 w xunyu.. it was real windy n the wind's real chilly.
all of a sudden, it brought me back to japan..
summer nights in japan somethimes haves such strong winds..
the feeling was so strong tt i thought i actually cud smell the dinner my host mother would cook for me when i was there..
and also i cud feel tt nice feeling of the chilly wind on my skin after a nice soak in the ofuro, once again..
it's interesting how a bout of wind can bring bk so many memories.

放不下(東方茱麗葉插曲)

作詞：徐世珍　作曲：方木雄　

編曲：Tim Ngoh　演唱：龔詩嘉

你好嗎　你的夜是不是跟我的一樣漫長

是不是　還把我給你的愛好好戴在手上

要堅強　我常常對著鏡子裏的人大聲講

雖然說　孤獨的想一個人好像一種懲罰

MSN上太多的路人甲

偶爾你也該上來說說話

想著你的溫柔　想著你的模樣　我放不下

都說過了再見　我們各自飛翔　各自長大

抱緊愛會掙扎　放開愛會心慌　神也很忙

到底要實現哪個願望

離開你　那麼傻　可以後悔嗎

風很大　怕你又穿得太少會讓自己著涼

我很棒　一個人換了燈泡房間變得很亮
每一天　發生的事情我都好想要跟你講

愛很怪　什麼都介意最後又什麼都原諒

Ooh-　心裡最深的牽掛

越想遺忘越不能忘

————————————————————

东方朱丽叶的这首插曲我还蛮喜欢的。

不错的一部偶像剧。。。

Happy Birthday Livia!!
just got back frm livia's 21st (pink) birthday party.. it was a nice gathering of family members n her band mates! the food wasnt too bad.. haa the same caterer which i got for my birthday too.. the food which i didnt manage to eat at all last jun. i finally got to taste the nice eclaire! which ran out first (as always) :D

Liv' my dear cousin, 姐妹，fellow member of HEAL, and fellow little ox!
heee
i've known her for all her life i guess.. frm the days when we were younger (7,8 yr-olds) being our auntie's bridesmaid and also when i was angry she took a piece of mushroom frm me in Genting.. haha to when we got abit older and became closer frens.. we went thru rgs n rj together, staggering by a year and it's always been fun hanging ard w her.. haaa n the actors tt we like are always the same so mayb tt says the same for our taste in men too! haa

so dear livia,
may u haf a fantastic 21st yr of ur life! filled w lotsa joy n happiness!! :)

(let's go watch some R(21) show together soon ;p)

this is not the first time.

i'm abit disgusted.

but i'll move on,

like i always do.

Happy Birthday
watched this show w py tonight..

i think 好朋友 this kinda ambigious relationship is tough.

i think the line in the whole show tt left the most impression was 小南's

“你一定会后悔的。”

小米一定很后悔吧。不管是在知道他要结婚的时候，还是以后知道真相，她一定会后悔的。

我觉得人的一生，做每一个抉择时，就是希望以后不会后悔。

一年一次

等待着他的生日的到来，很辛苦吧。

既然这样，就别等了。

会活得更轻松

NEW SHOES!! pretty pink w flora design!
i really liked them the first time i saw them.. i think ser ll love this print! right? (less of 碎花布 but more of her english rose kinda design) and the good thing is since they're covered-toes i can wear them out and to clinics as well!
cant wait to wear them! :)

today at abt 4+pm i finally finished my bit for CHP and sent it to our leader weidi..
finally.
yest nite 7 pple frm the data analysis stayed till abt 1045pm doing data analysis.. haa it was quite an experience... using spss to try to select n sort variables, try to crosstab, find prevalence, confidence intervals and wat not.. and then finding out tt most variables when tested are not statistically significant anyway.. after all the trouble you have been thru. hai.
our kind treasurer jess bought us oreos, chipsmore, hershey's and say CLAIM!
and we ordered kfc to appease ourselves and CLAIM!
haaa
then fq had his projector which was used to project the spore-malaysia match on the big screen so tt some of us can watch.. then there was eating kfc while watching thepeak and later abit of 金枝玉孽 and lastly a mild joy ride home frm my bro, sending some of DA team home..

then today at 5pm i set off to go to orchard to buy a birthday present i've reserved.
sengkang to orchard.. at first i was q daunted by the distance but later (like i told howen) i've decided to take it as taking a long walk.. serene likes to say, "walking is abt clearing the head".. after being immeresed in CHP for so long, i decided tt i can kinda retire slightly aft my bit in DA has been completed... now i only need to do my job as a gp leader to try to facilitate the paper n presentation team as best as i can. i feel tt it's time to reorganize my thots and move on w my life. it always happens to me.. when i do something new, i'll get suck into the situation and behave abit weirdly.. e.g when i interned at ocbc, when i taught at wsps.. frens ll notice a change in my character and i'll tend to talk like pple tt i interact w in the new environment. yep i'm tt impressionable. altho CHP was working w my frens/classmates, i think it has affected me in q an interesting way.. in ways tt i totally dint expect.. but my nice 5hr long quiet walk allowed lots of things in me to sediment and i hope i'll b bk to my old self frm now on.

i opened my eyes bigbig to observe everyone on my journey.. caught i few things tt put a smile to my face..
kids downstairs playing badminton.. caused a scene of my mama playing badminton w me n my bros when we were young to surface.
kids in pe attire walking home in the evening.. brought me bk to the evening flag lowering session of wsps and me sending the kids off at the sch gate
a heart warming smile frm an old lady to her husband.. her husband was standing one step ahead on her on the escalator, i was standing one step behind. when we got to the top.. he turned rd on his right to look for her, but she has already quietly walked to his left.. he looked confused, then worried, then hurriedly turned ard to look for her on the left.. and she gave him this smile.. kinda like a "laughing-at-him" smile, something i seldom see in old pple i think. but they looked happy anyhow

on my way bk i saw a he/she.. dressed in a short skirt, black stockings and thick makeup.. i was like ok... but i was amused when a lady try to swallow her giggle and she had a weird look on her face.
then there was this fair little boy who hanged a hugh superman water bottle ard his neck haa.. it's those kind when u press a button, the top ll open up, then u can drink frm it? it brought me bk to a hardware store in amk central where my mama used to bring us to. tt places had shelves of household products n i rem choosing a waterbottle for myself many many yrs bk, when i was a kid.
then there was the nice lady at metro who taught me something new and solved a mystery for me.. something which i've been wondering abt for yrs... but forgot abt it until she told me today.

so i did some therapeutic shopping and got almost everything i set out to buy last wed. spent q abit of $ but in the end my mama say new clothes n shoes for cny can claim haa so :D

came home at 10.. and caught a whole episode of 金枝玉孽 for the first time. jh has been telling me it's real exciting must watch.. but i never had the time to sit ard n watch it until today. it's real exciting i must say haaa just one episode n now i'm real curious y the maid died in the pond! haaa
and i watched my chen hao! he said to 安茜 something like:
你总是要有个人照顾，
需要的时候， 有人为你奔走。
有事的时候， 有人为你出主意。
下雨的时候， 有人为你打伞。
aww.. so sweet.. esp the last line!
haaa if bradpitt's my fav frm holloywood, chenhao ll b my fav frm hk!
haa.. my mama thinks he's q ugly.. but haa i think he looks q cool wat. ^_^

but the show is reall q exciting i must say. :)

today i did something tt i normally would not do.. which is to lose my temper n scream at someone, outside of my home.. i usu v calm and even-tempered amongst my frens.. and yup being the lousy-take-my-family-for-granted kinda person, i'll only explode when i'm home la

but today because of some slight things tt a fren kept irritating me w.. i exploded in his face and said real mean stuff. i feel q guitly abt it la.. and i think he got it even worse because i know he's my good fren... i think i wont say such stuff to strangers i work w.. because my motto is "never say anything tt ll burn bridges.. always b diplomatic" and i used to pride myself as having a v high self moniter and not showing blackface even when i angry when i'm w other pple.
ah zui.. i'm sorry ya.

but this is like the 2nd time in 4days lo.. i kinda raised my voice to my subgp leader on fri also la. haizz this sucks big time. CHP is getting more interesting in the sense tt it's bringing out sides of me tt has never been seen in public before.. even i was stunned when i said wat i said today.

i better watch it k. watch my temper n stay calm.
how can i lead a gp when i'm so hypersensitive and volatile..
how can i go ard being a liability n exploding in pple's faces when i just cant take it?
there's nothing i cant tahan. i seriously dont want the same thing to happen ever again. angry w myself now, coming to think of it. how can i not b my usual eventempered, levelheaded self? esp when the situation really needs me to b right now? hai.

[MV] 專屬天使 - Tank



the last time i watched 花样少年少女 was tt day after i puked aft meeting gang at bishan... tt aft when i was feeling alright.. i watched the last few episodes frm the vcd set py bought for me. so the last epi was until 8 and told while i randomly checked youtube, i found ep9 already! haaa
so yep just finished watching it.. the show is real funny.. haaa cant wait for more episodes.. even feel like getting the bk so tt i can know the ending first :p

so this is the ending song of tt show.. think the mtv was just filmed early this yr.. and the invited ella n wuzun to come star in the mtv because the lyrics q related to the show i guess.. :)

私ね、自分本当にほしいのものは何ですか？
時々なんか心配しています。
一生、そのもの見つかれないたら、どうしよう？
でも、本当にほしいですか？
さー

当惑した夜ですね。
自分の心はもっと素直をできますか？

”何もほしくない”　この気持ちはもうすぐ維持しないかも。

just drew this on my erge's white board

haaa q cute right

but this is as good as my artistic talent gets la..

cause the C in p6 has scarred me permanently :p

gang ll know my ability to draw frm my track record of previous win-lose-or-draw contests

miss those white chicks days.

SONGS I HEARD FROM TIMBRE ON FRI NIGHT

FIX YOU - COLDPLAY


YELLOW – COLDPLAY


Haha huay likes coldplay songs right? If u happen to see this while trying to de-stress frm ur exams preparations, hope it helps! Jiayou for exams! Like wat py says.. u’ll be back in the tropics with us after this sem.. so hang in there ya ! :)

The sun and strong wind coming in from my window now.. really makes me feel that CNY is round the corner. It’s always this time of the year that has such weather.. isn’t?
A perfect day to swim.. but I don’t like to swim on wkends cause it’ll be too crowded.. oh I went for a swim on wed morning.. a good 1.5hr swim, covering 40laps.. hee I know that’s rather slow but I haven’t swim for quite a long while le.. so quite unfit la. But I love swimming haaa love the way all sounds get muffled when u get ur head in the water, love the way sunlight shines thru the water and produce this shimmering effect. The water pressure is very comforting and makes me feel v relaxed and at home. Maybe it’s just my vivid imagination, but I really fell very at ease when I’m underwater.. which makes me wonder if I was a marine creature in my past life haaa oh well I’m luohan (a fish w a bump on it’s forehead) this life time too.. and I’ve ever gotten fishcake from the judogirls on my birthday lor.. haaaa

But I’m q boring when it comes to swimming.. just complete the laps tt I set my target to finish n I go home.. it brings back nice memories from childhood cause swimming was my first cca.. i rem that it’ll either be on wed morning or afternoon, depending on whether u r morning or aft session. Then I’ll go buy the 30cents small packet of chicken flavoured Twistes on Tuesday, as a after-swim snack on the bus ride back to sch frm yiochukang swimming complex. That’s where I learnt how to swim and made lotsa frens and we’ll compete amongst each other.

But this wed I was real happy.. glad to finally b swimming in a good weather. Didn’t manage to do it during dec hols cause the first week was raining real heavily n the second wk I was in ttsh la. I like the way the warmth of the sun follows u home hours after u’ve left the pool.. and I took my favourite way home.. down my fav path lined by nice trees w sun filtering in.. so I guess I used up all my happiness in the morning by pampering myself w all my fav activites.. such tt on wed nite I was damn tired from a lot of things and cant get anything at all on my shopping list. :( Will try to slot in another swim next wk’s morning la. I really need a new swim suit. haaa

i kept hearing this song playing in stores in many places i went.
Because of you - Kelly Clarkson.
i watched this mtv q some time ago.. n it's q sad..

thurs afternoon, me siying peiyun and tracy went to vivocity to shop after CHP meeting hee had fun w them.. walking ard the stores, shopping at the supermarket and eating!
we tried a couple of times taking pix of 4 of us.. but wasnt too successful haaa

i guess the first one we tried taking was the best in the sense tt most heads were in the pix!

we also picked up a couple of "the others" in the pix.. random pple who happen to be sitting or walking past in our background! py n siying posing w the korean food stall plastic bag haaa frm basement.. the fish + sausage's quite nice but the chicken i bought was too dry..

must go out shopping w siying n tracy more.. it was fun!

fq thinks this is damn funny. hmm haha

tazo chai tea latte

another one of my comfort food.

recently i've been summoning and relying alot on my comfort food.

wat does it say of my life at the moment.

not too fantastic

but oh well. nvm.

wednesday night was pouring at tpy.. aft fieldwork w fq n then tracy and went to town w a long shopping list.

cudnt buy THE present because her birthday is more than 7days away

didnt buy the swim suit i was eyeing at because i didnt like it after i tried it on

was thinking abt buying the nike bag i saw the day before w angel

(remember the one i was carrying while talking animatedly on the phone w liv? haa)

but after just one day.. just when i was abt to go buy it. it's sold out! and i cant find it anywhere else le. hai

then the shop i wanted to go to in PS has been replaced by OP hai

so in the end after walking down the whole orchard rd really real fatigue and shopping the whole nite, i didnt spend a single cent.

so i decided to appease myself by buying me this nice drink..

i have v good memories of this drink because the first time i drank it was bought by a nice collegue in OCBC.. he reminds me of my dage but oh well

i was real sick n the aircon was killing me..

he saw n sneaked us out of office in the middle of the day and bought this drink for me

i felt so nice n warm n comforted.

hafnt spoken to him in a while.. hope's he's doing well! shud try to contact him soon

haaa writing this post got me reminded of tue aft

where first a couple (2) crazy women was hanging out and shopping and later a bunch (3) did.

i still dont think tt 3 pple make a bunch

coz just imagine, a bunch of grapes w only 3 grapes. wud u still buy it?

anyway the 2 other crazy women's my dear cousins liv n angel

liv's turing 21 soon! haaa

me n angel were damn funny at havana's at heren.

haha the one design we wanted didnt have the right size.. so we just sat there for damn long gazing up the whole wall of slippers.. haa

n the line of the day was frm the little shopkeeper of that store

"why dont u get her into the chinese new year mood, by buying her the red ones"

oh my tian.

and there were the funny things angel said, "nurse belly (betty)" and "savaging (salvaging)something "

the chocolate volcano frm the supermarket's bakery section at paragon's basement was real nice!

and i had a great time shopping w them la.. the sisters i never had haa

:D

pretty view frm 26th floor of blk 121.. this was at 7+ in the evening
when all the lights have been lit along the corridors and the sun has not set..
there's just this little hole on the wall where u can look out to see this nice view!
i just so imagine putting a infant (more than 9mth) who can sit steadily on the middle of the ledge..
it will prob feel panicky and insecure and want to hold on to something..
so it stretches it arms to the full armspan but cudnt touch either side because the ledge is too long
thud.
(just a figment of my vivid imagination. i wasnt planning a murder.)

last day of fieldwork.. i was really happy when i saw our NC letter still placed like this! yay
so we can convert our NC => exclusion!! haaa
we figure out tt in this position, the owner of the house wud definitely take the paper off if he wanted to open the wooden door..
muahaha

this is brad pitt's look in Babel i think.. which he got a golden globe best supporting actor nomination for. i was really happy tt while waiting to go into treatment room (11) to get my blood taken.. i was watching the awards just for a couple of minutes and i saw him! haaa
must be 缘分
no la.. heh.. cudnt really hear wat was going on tho, cause the volumn was turned down but i saw him!

he still looks charming as ever in his suit.. altho he's starting to look abit old already but he's still my fav hollywood man. haa he became my fav after Meet Joe Black during sec sch till now! :)

3-in-1

fell in love w this dessert aft xian intro it to me one afternoon after our kick-boxing class.

it has got tauhuay, tauhuayzui and tangyuan

haaa

i really like it

i used to eat it before exams for lunch when i'm stressed from revision..

another one of my comfort food also

cause i was worried tt i haf to do OGD and after watching a few being down during surg posting, i really wasnt looking forward to having it done on me..

so i told myself before the consultation.. if i haf to go for it, then i'll buy this to comfort myself haa if i dont have to go for it, then it'll b a joyous occasion and i'll haf to eat this also to congratulate myself! haaa

glad tt i ate it to congratulate myself and ending this little nightmare of mine.

where do u think this piano was found?
at level 1 of ttsh
went for my followup on tues at ttsh.. and i got d/c frm clinic w/o needing an OGD! yay
i got poked 3 times before the nurse managed to take my blood and she still cudnt believe tt bloodbank would allow pple w veins like mine to donate blood.. O_o"
didnt know it was tt ex.. it cost $8.09 for each electrolyte tt they tested for an there were a total of 6 electrolytes i was tested for la..
i also saw the MO tt looks like cheemeng frm AH in the consultantion room beside mine. haaa

anyway the hosp environment never fails to amaze me.. it looks real pretty and macam like a shopping mall from downstairs. on wkends it will look like a place of interest actually.. if u dunnoe tt these pple are actually visiting frens and family who are sick.
this piano was playing nice classical music while i was there.. and the keys move on their own.. haa like those pianos tt will appear in the ghost stories i used to love writing when i was in pri sch.. together w apparitions and intestine hanging frm trees..

but glad tt the whole episode was over.

night view of toapayoh frm level something of blk 103/104..
not exactly breathtaking but enough to slow down the footsteps of 3 tired pple.. namely fq py n me.. to pause for a couple of second and take in the beautiful night view..
it's this little things that make ur day (nite) isnt it?
field work has finally come to an end.. i've walked up n down stairs of those 2 blks countless of times and knocking on doors and pressing doorbells seem so routine haa
it's q interesting the many many different pple u wud meet.. getting doors slammed in ur face and getting scolded.. also getting invitations to houses on cny and friendly neighbours waving hello days after they participated in the survey.
but it was damn tiring. haaa may tt's y i slept the whole afternoon away today.
havent really slept well since i got d/c until today.. i feel tt i've paid off my sleep debt le. hopefully i wont look qiao cui to my frens frm now on haa :)

hai. i guess yest i was in a bad mood. sorry if i offended anyone but it's just little things tt added up.. i dont even have time these days to blog but interestingly i've started jotting down my tots there n then when i have time in my trusty little note bk! haaa
so this might actually b considered tt i've started keeping a diary? haa it prob wont last.. but it's q fun.. i rem i used to do it when i was immed post Alevels too.. i wud jot down my thoughts into this big notebk tt i bring ard.. but it's just at tt time tt notebk which i use for other purposes and happen to b in my hand when i need to record some thoughts or vent.

oh well.
but yest nite, i went to timbre! haaa
i felt tt i needed to be there cause it was ahtan's birhday and we sometimes go to timbre to watch timmy perform and ngak sing on fri nites. so i felt tt i ought to be there listening in for her since it was such a coincidence tt her bdae fell on a fri nite..
Fly me to the moon. haa i'll rem it now.
so ah tan.. i did k, and they were good as ever.. *cheers* (with strawberry diaquiri!)
the 1/2 german guy (ahpui) who came by to sit w us to watch world cup the other time's not ard anymore. and the drummer's changed to this more elderly guy.. haa

thnx fuqiang for company and drive home last nite.. sorry tt sengkang's such a 狗不拉屎，鸟不生蛋 place haaa. but i had fun.. :)

(sorry chek if u r looking out for pix of timbre haa i left my camera in fq's car n my hp was out of batt.. next time then i show u la)

i hope i didnt scream at cc yest.. i'm still feeling abit guilty about it all. now on hindsight maybe trying to get all the data out to work w on fri mon was too rush.. since wd has shown tt we need to double check n call out questionnaires to edit the primary data set before data analysis team can look on it.. so it might have been too rush and idealistic to wan2 start using the data. hai. and being stopped by the traffic police first thing in the morning, first time in my life, didnt really help at all.. together w many little irritants tt i came across.. i kinda just became v uptight yest. hope by tue we can finish data analysis la..

i think this CHP project's q interesting and enriching.. not only do i learn abt cofm and get to know my own working style within a team better, i got to know some new classmates and existing frens better also. i'm also observing everyone's working style and the differences in it.. so tt if we become HO and MO's next time.. we'll have a more enjoyable time working together if we know wat to siam and not irritate others la.

i've lotsa little entries in my trusty little notebk.. and some pix to share.. let me see wat i can get up k.

Happy Birthday!!

Dearest ah tan, happy birthday! haaa just wannan to post a couple of pix for u to see all the way on the other side of the globe on this special day of your life!
10 points for telling me correctly when and where these pix were taken k! haaa :)
oh we hafnt practice our bambieye look for a long time le.. might have forgotten haaa (hey) comeon! go do it infront of the mirror now!

now tt u're back, just wanna tell u..
i'll carry you! (on my back literally?) haaa. tell me i'm one of those rare frens u have tt's actually willing to carry u on my back k hee..

happy birthday...
we've known each other coming 10years already and us, haa we are going home kakis... all those bus 132, 88 rides homes since rgs days and NEL rides home since NEL started.. it's great recalling all those conversations we have had together ya.. u and me talk about everything and anything and sometimes i'm real amazed tt seriously after 10 years we are still interested (always? :D) in wat each other got to say...
apart from bus rides, there were wonderful times we had over coffeebean's coffee n cheescake, changi airport's breakfast, drinks at timbre where we just chill our right? miss those days we go ard checking out drinking places, and our habit of buying drinks for each other hee.. waiting for ya to get bk here ya... but meanwhile enjoy yourself in spain, live up ur european dream!
it's abit ke xi that tonight's friday nite, and ur birthday falls on it... if u're here, we'll prob b in timbre tonight w py n flea? and i'll try my best to dedicate tt song u like (sorry has it got something to do w "moon"? i'm sure i scribbled it somewhere down my organiser but cant find it now :( tell me ya) watever it is.. i'll try to get ngak to sing for ya! haa
( i can so imagine this scene in my head now)
it's ok, there's always next year right?
so best wishes.. for all your dreams to come true (one is now, as u're reading right?) may you come back inspired and feel more prepared to live ur life the exact way u wan it k!

hee just took a peep at the list of ur bdae wishes on ur blog.. may all tt come true! i cant imagine i forgot to mention about a spikeyhair boyfriend!

(btw ur daren won the guy's finals! i fell asleep liao my mama told me haha congrats?!)

kenneth chan 陳啟泰

serene reminded me that he's my fav actor in the show My Date With A Vampire

haaa

徐若瑄_曹格- I_Still_Believe



i like the lyrics of this song.. must say tt vivan's lyrics are sometimes pretty nice :)

梁山伯與茱麗葉



i think the title's real interesting. haa
nice song.

this was my dinner on tuesday at tampines before piano class started. coz tracy dropped me off at kembangan mrt aft our chp meeting. we had a marathon chp meeting, me jeremy n tracy stayed from 9-5 for nonstop chp meeting/work w/o lunch haaa damn shagged out aft tt. met tutors in morn w dataanalysis n dataentry leaders, edit questionnaires, get them printed, fix methodology n interviewer training instructions, print stuff, teamleaders meeting... so everything went on w/o stop.
special thnx to photocopy shop auntie who rushed out 470 questionnaires for us in 1.5hrs!! she at first said cud only do 200 cause other pple have their orders but w beg, used our charm and all and she was kind enough to help us. otherwise we would have to use the shop in the lib tt's much more expensive or use coop machines tt are of poorer quality. so thankyou
also to my stickers "stickers" weidi fuqiang huiming suhui jess (hope i didnt miss out anyone cause i wasnt there sticking) - they even restuck stickers cause i carelessly forgot to tell them not to use numbers beyond 410 if we wan the numbers to run. sorry for making u guys do more work but thankyou!!

so i was real tired and decided tt my tummy's strong enuff for fast food. i was on full porridge diet from 2nd to 7th.. until my mama say let's try rice for dinner on the 7th so as to prepare me for the outside world (food) haaa and it tasted so good! so even made a new tofu dish frm some receipe bk tt was damn nice!!!! haaa so on tue i decided i have a kfc craving and after such a long meeting day i deserve it. to make myself happy. haaa
drink is of coz mountain dew.. my fav in rj.. my motivation for trng cause i use it to motivate me to hang in there no matter how tough trng gets cause at the end of trng after we change we will rush down to the vending machine downstairs at ri tt sells mountain dew! wah it's so refreshing and i love it. so it became a habit, after i train, after PE, i'll drink a can mountain dew. so for 2 yrs i drank it almost everyday. cause 2 PEs a wk n 3 trngs a wk.. haaaaa

so now mountain dew(which looks like cat's pee) is my energizer drink if i'm really super tired.
n i was real glad tt whipped potato wasnt the only thing i cud tolerate frm kfc anymore. so it means i've recovered. when i was retching away, unable to retain my food at all... my bro bought my fav whip potato to encourage my feeding haaa n it worked!
so here's kfc for me la.

piano class. must make a pt to practice daily! i hafnt today. i feel real bad tt i always cant keep up cause i dont haf time (or i dont manage my time well) to practice. the songs are so nice. i spent so much $ since feb last yr i started my class..
so beng if u're reading this go practice now! if u haf time... we cannot lidat le, otherwise cant learn all the nice songs tt are getting more difficult to play. (i'm grade 0 mah)

Working very hard on cofm now (I’ll post this later) so decided to use my fav cup (check out the little eyes looking at u when u drink) w cranberry juice for my GIT frm 7th aunt w love to cheer myself on.. haa :)
(this was a post wanted to make before admission but didnt have time till now so here it is)

i had alot of trouble finishing my cofm project because i procrastinated at the beginning of the hols and had a grand plan to spend the last week before submission doing it. in the end i spent 5 days of the last wk in hospital and stuff. luckily they extended my dateline from 3rd jan to 8th n i had abit more time.
but i was doing cofm till late at night + lotsa chp discussion was going on w my gp pple updating me during my MC also.. so i was trying to do it all
i cudnt finish the last night.. i mean i cud haf chop chop some bits but i wanted to do it presentable la. in the end i didnt sleep the whole mon early morning at all, rushed it out till 6am, wasnt the best report i cud produce but i did my best w/in the time i had la. i ended up being late for the factory visit cause i set off later abit and got caught in a terrible jam.. luckily my bro drove me, we actually were on farrer road and passed by amk long time ago when py called n the tutor said i cud go str to ST microelectronics myself. so my bro after weaving thru the jam and all had to turn bk to return to amk.. we reached alot earlier than the bus so i had to buy him breakfast to thank and appease him haaa
n we parked perpendicular to the road they were coming from. once i saw a bus, i looked. so like 3 pple in green frm afar n was thinking are they factory works instead of meddies? haha but i ran towards the bus nonetheless and they were meddies just tt 3 pple who sat near the window happen to b wearing the same color by sheer chance. i hopped on n went for the factory tour.. was functioning on adrenalin the whole day because only slept aft i went w/o sleep for 37 hrs haaa
luckily jeremy covered for me and helped me alot during the meeting. cause i brought up some pts of discussion to the tutors tt we discussed before n i interpreted the whole of the first point wrongly, on the spot so jeremy knew i was zonking out already. haaaaa n sorry dr Shankar, when he was talking to me i'll be looking at him but zoning in and out of concentration and some bits i cudnt catch at all. like i floated in and out of his speech while looking at him in his eye kinda thing oops :P
but tt was the only time la. i'm usu v attentive during meetings haaa

tt nite was one of the longest night of my life. just like usu before exams when i cant finish revising. so i told myself i shall never let this happen again and this translates tt i shud start studying soon and not spend so many hrs blogging. but i wan to get this done, out of the way and finishing packing my room before i start. so tonight is the only nite i'll spend doing such things. yup.

刚刚看了今天这集的<<鲁豫有约>>，昨天和今天这两集的嘉宾都是 -- 蔡康永。
发现我还蛮喜欢看这节目的。因为它在CH50 早上播出，所以只能在备考或放假的时候才能观看。看这节目时的心情还满特别的，在极度有压力和极度轻松的状态下看，成了强烈的对比。我比较喜欢这类访谈性的节目，因为总觉得只有在这种节目中才能看到一些公众人物比较真实的一面，总好比无聊的综艺节目为制造节目效果而说的客套话。当然像我这种电视迷还是会看啦。偶尔这类访谈性的节目也会来一些死爱面子，谨守自己隐私，或非常客套的嘉宾，看了也对这个人不会更了解，更别说是有暴点了。
蔡康永是我蛮欣赏的主持人。我哥说他说话文绉绉，慢条斯理的，听起来很费力，不集中精神根本听不懂他在说什么。但我对他这种博学多才，“读书人” 的风格还蛮欣赏的。他的一生相当精采，也是一个不符合社会规格在生活的一个人，但给我的感觉很真实，很诚恳。

昨天病了一天，也窝在家里一天，难得有时间作报告，却看了好多电视节目，有点惭愧。：(

(刚才写“我哥说” 的时候想起<<花样少年少女>>中的一句经典台词：我哥说，如果泉跳不过去，就要带我回美国。-- 想像 ELLA 在剧中向梅田老师念了好多好多遍。。哈哈)

(this was a post wanted to make before admission but didnt have time till now so here it is)

i cant rem y but i think i wanted to upload this video cause it was a song tt i used to think was abit freaky but still liked a long time ago
(this was a post wanted to make before admission but didnt have time till now so here it is)

relatives n frens who came by to visit. thnx! there was livia n my 4th aunt n uncle.. came w hair accessories haa cause i looked real unkempt while in hosp. thnx to my 4th aunt who fed me till i manage to start to tolerate feeds.
me n liv are like tiny versions of my mama n her sis (liv's mum) that's what everyone says since we were young cause we have fotos in the same pose as our mums when they were young, when we were bridesmaid for my 10th aunt 13yrs ago. the one above also considered same pose also right haaa :)
xiangyun came w a voice recordable keychain bear.. so now if i feel real down i can hear her recorded voice cheering me on. she's holding a musical doll they(my pri sch frens) gave me 8yrs ago when i moved during housewarming. but she cant rem she gave it to me haaa.. it sat on the ledge at the frontend of my bed for 8yrs.. my mama decided it needs to retire so now she's kept n xy's doll n xian+huiyi's snowman sits in her place :) i'll bring her out when i miss her la.
then there was elene.. another dear cousin from HEAL. she came w oranges and all. thnx dear!

finally got discharged on 020107! my mama dage siauhuidasao came to pick me up.. waited till evening cause i had a fever spike the night before. actually suppose to observe for 1 more day. but i'm a terrible patient la. insist i'm want to go home today. it didnt look serious cause i felt much better so i was allowed to go. while i was still in hosp during my lowest low.. i kept insisting i need to go home. i really thot going home i'll be better, cause to me the hosp stay was driving me crazy, got so jialat tt i needed to sign a form tt says i'm d/c-ing against doc's advice and if anything happens it's my own responsibility. in the end.. i stopped insisting and patient discharged well on 02/01/07. TCU in 2/52.

thankyou fel for coming w yellow tulips! they look real pretty :)

presents i got during n after my stay.. thnx pple. i really appreciate them and liked all of them! they really cheer me up at the hosp, the presents and the thought of u guys going to the trouble to get them for me. trying all means to take my mind away frm retching n trying to get me to get well.

some of my dearest family and frens who stayed by my side long hours each day. holding my hand and comforting me and all. :)
thank you. for being there for me.
not everyone's pix is here cause i only took fotos on the first afternoon n last day. in btw i even had probs sms-ing at one pt due to carpopedal spasms.

this is cutecute. the first present i got frm serene and peiyun w well wishes for a speedy recovery. he's named by my mama and looks real cute right? haaa
but has kinda a bald patch behind. does he remind us of any tvbs actor? hmm does he?

see how alive i looked on the first day of admission. i stopped puking aft lunch n until 10pm i was well and all. even got bk my goofy self and everyone (including myself) thought i cud be discharged on day2. but when my retching cant stop aft i woke up at midnight tt nite.. a one day stay eventually became a 5 day stay i guess. hai.
ttsh patient! haaa now feel abit paiseh if i were to be posted there next time. esp if i do psychomed there ohmytian. i hope not la

on my first day of admission, i was well after lunch until midnight when my nightmare started.. so haaa i'm like one of the few jokers who ll take pix even when hospitalized la.
this was my info board above my bed. everything thought it was a joke tt hokkien is there.. macam i'm so old ah ma lidat
but to explain.. when i was feeling real bad puking at 7am nurse umi first talk to me. she just asked u know hokkien right? n i said yes. and this was how the hokkien got up there la.
every who came n noticed it thought it was a big joke. sigh

i thought my room was messy until i saw serene's! haaa but to be fair it's usu neat n nice..
but she's packing her rm n packing her luggage for spain.. her room is walaueh.
so here's the spot serene's competition. do u see her? haaaaaa
n her 40kg luggage haaa i cant believe how many kg her accessories, makeup and toiletries weigh when i first saw them.
BUT watever it is she's there now having the time of her life. right ah tan?
enjoy urself!

tan ah bear!

she's so cute.. thnx to ser's family for letting bearbear sees me as a fren..

i've never been an animal person, my orhlulu passed away and my coke light likes my mum alot more.. and never had a dog in my whole life.

but i dont think i'm suited to keep pets.. judging tt i even killed the cactus beng's mama gave me (sorry auntie)

but it's so amazing.. after bear bear likes me.. she'll follow me ard, play with me.. love to bite on to my pants/ rubber band on my hair but when she gets too close.. esp licking my ears/face i get abit scared la.

but haa she spent the whole night scratching the closed bed room door i was behind

and when i woke up, came out of the room, she ran to me and started playing so happily as if she's never seen me for years and miss me alot.

so her's my experience w bearbear.. and i'm truly amazed

now i understand abit more how pet-lovers feel.

but i dont think i'm committed enough to own pets yet.

miss bearbear already. hope she rems me the next time i visits la :)

xia4 jiu3 xiao3 cai4?

oysters to go with wine~*

ice wine i bought on my flight back from japan!
this bottle of wine's real hard to get into.. haha we had a hard time getting the cork out..
and we broke a wine glass in the process, cutting my wrist and producing spots of blood frm the dorsum of my foot due to all the glass bits. luckily no big bleed.
haaa issit a sign tt drinking's a no-good thing? even if it's not a habit..
but it's worth all the trouble and minor injury n broken glass cause it's has a real refreshing taste
i wud say first sip took my breath away for a moment. sweet, easy to go down, v different from prev wine i've tasted. but the slight no good bit of it is towards the end of me n ser draining the whole bottle. it got abit too sweet for me. so everything in moderation la.
apart frm this we had abt 1/2 a bottle of another white wine ahtan used to cook her oysters..

so a total of 1 1/2 bottles of wine. for 2 of us. not tt much mah

BUT my consultant n PROF CHIA is convinced tt this is the reason of my admission. i really hope not cause it wasnt enuff to make me feel all fuzzy n sleepy. i was perfectly well n lucid so i think the amt was not a prob. they said i might be sensitive to alcohol? if it's this type it might b true otherwise it's not the first time i drink right?

watever it is.. it was a good time. huddling on the sofa, watching love actually 3rd time w wine and one of my closest fren ever.. wat a way to usher in x'mas right?

a feast serene cooked up for her family and me on x'mas eve.
i'm honoured to be a guest for the past 3 yrs! thnx ah tan ;)

as for myself.. let's just focus on the new dress i bought for my dage's bigday specially haa (thnx xy for helping me shop for it w/in a day)

hope next up's my erge n eunice

CONGRATS to my dage and now-dasao who got to the ROM on x'mas eve and got married

hope i dont spend too much time doing this

i've not gotten a chance to actually sit down and reflect upon my 2006 and entering into 2007
i didnt even take note of when 2007 arrived cause i was probably retching away at ward 7a bed 20 when the clock struck 12 midnite and a new year arrived.. there was no countdown no this silent moment of slipping into a brand new year
recent years.. i like tt moment.. a quiet moment at home waiting for it to arrive, mayb watching some tv prog but a good ME-moment

then i came bk home on 020107 n was busy all day.. sleeping minimally until today 110107.
9 days of solid hard work on chp and cofm.. of cause there was little bits of moments in btw but never an actual moment like now.

when i haf stuff to do, w increasing urgency, but i still afford to take a moment to step bk and think. coming 11 days late.. better late than never right

2006 was damn fun. i always had fun.. esp this year
let me use the function of my prev post to remind myself huh... let's see
i started the blog because ahtan convince me tt it'll help me express myself better and for myself more as a documentation of little things big things tt happen tt i might not consciously rem unless be reminded.

there was still my M2 days struggling with trying to rem everything like MB and stuff.. still my lecture-going days. during tt time i enjoyed little moments of fun such as checking out MOS w frens, CNY (my fav fest) w family n frens.. the start of clinical years. fun tiring exciting - getting more glimsp of wat my career wud be like next time.. met so many many interesting pple who taught me stuff.. patients tutors cg mates.. CSFC @ SGH w CG7, medposting @AH n surgposting@ NUH w CG1, paeds posting @ NUH, KKH w CG13+abit of 14.. in btw was my 21st birthday party chalet where i was really touched by surprises and wellwishes frm family n frens.. of coz all the 21st parties i was invited and went for.. celebrating the coming of age of close frens. each one was diff and each one was a fantastic memory. then there was JAPAN.. fulfiling of a 6yr dream to return to hamamatsu myself - totally immersing in japan's culture.. exploring the same paths i've taken 6yrs ago and now 6yrs later. it was a good trip esp in addition to hamamatsu there was the meddies frm spore n japan n we had fun. aft tt trip there wasnt much social life cause doing clinicals dayin day out.. n of coz the fun days of the wk before i was admitted and my admission

were all some memorable moments of 2006, not to mention the little ones tt made my day.

i guess the fun part was fulfiled but work wise i'm still think there's alot of rm for self improvement.. exploring myself.. the way i work they way i study they way i learn. i have a couple of resolutions in my heart.. MUST try to work it out in the next 354 days? :)

i'm looking forward to 2007... cant wait to live thru it and see wat it entails, live every moment and look back next yr w no regrets n fondly..

of coz i had my ups and downs.. there were the high highs but the lowest lows and there were the little happiness i find in each day if i'm lucky

i dont want to go to my lowest lows ever again. i'll personally punish myself if i do so. so i gotta have more discipline and work harder and harder... learn to not let things get to me but not become too emotionless. how to find tt fine balance for myself i wonder. if it's self rated thingy i'll tend towards a 2 in this area.. let's try to get it up to a 3 or so la haaaa

2007! here i come! (well i'm here already.. so here i continue?) haa

just woke up from a 3hr nap and ooh feels so nice warm and comfy at home now.
after sleeping for max 4hrs almost everyday for the past wk i'm grateful for today's free afternoon. i feel all soft macam like a mashmallow now.. refusing to move
but i've got lots of things i wan2 complete by tonight.
so just a few more moments of nua-ing like a mud puddle, better treasure this rare ME-time.. hope not much CHP stuff till tmr. not tt i'm complaining but wah it's like invading into my whole life.. all my time n effort into this thing.. hope it turn out alright man.
thnx to my dedicated members doing field work in this heavy rain.. i know also. damn tough hai..
JIAYOU!
will i haf time to get the back log of fotos tt i wanna post frm the hols before n aft my admission?
hope so. later la later.

just to jot down some thoughts today and abt pple i meet b4 jeremy calls me in a few min n the next WAVE of chp work starts..
just settled down n got home
met so many cute elderly pple today. cause i cover 1 room flats so mostly retired and not working pple...

haaa there'e one of my fav hypertensive uncle.. sky high. i advised him for real long really really hopes he go see doc. i shall remind him if i walk past his unit again. he's real cute cause he got lotsa weird remedies for certain symptoms n he say specially teach us cause we med students MUST KNOW haaa
if u nostril get stuck on one side, drink lemon + lime juice w some sugar
if u have insomnia, drink salt water -- SURE sleep
etc la

there's this real nice elderly couple
wife was our participant uncle damn jialat at the side
waist circumference - he says: she got waist meh?
hip: aiyah aiyah cmi la
y she tries to eat little bit still fat? y y... but she likes to eat other snacks too how how?
u finish le ar? now my turn to ask qn (i thot some medical enquires) but it was.. wat's ur age
then he turn to qinyong and asked his age
then turn to his wife and said
2121
(buy 4D)
i tell him uncle HUAT CAI! sure open on wkend
hahahahhaahhahahahaa
he insist we take his bottles of mineral water until i showed him my own,
later at night we still doing our NC2s, he kept offering us shelter at his house, from the rain coming into corridor. tell us y dont eat first? come in n rest la dont so pia hahaaa

then there's cute uncle but poor thing need dialysis. sian of measurements cause done all the time for him when he go for dialysis. he dont mind qn but dont wan measurments but he allowed us to come bk another day when he less tired. i saw lots bumps on his hand prob lots AVFs.. mayb repeated blked. stays alone n his house looks not occupied from outside. he looks v cute.

then there's the cat that me n mark cant decide fake or not in a lady's house.
first look: fake
mark insist.. many stares i think damn real
but we cant get it to move aft waving at it real long (while the owner in kitchen n cant see us)
but when i went in to survey.. no cat was moving ard leh
hmmmm
must find out

then there's the uncle who told us JIAYOU! in the evening he saw us along the corridor while he came out for a stroll after participating in our survey in the afternoon

then there's a sad uncle taking care of his sick wife. he's real nice but we felt sorry to have disturbed. his house's one of the nicest. i call it the planty house

then there was the poor little garden plot in a styrofoam box tt looks real sad n not taken care off.. we were deciding wat kinda occupants by the slipper size. mark says like kids but abt my feet size leh so we never know...

then there was the freaky stuff
1) the house tt look empty. i knocked. me AND mark heard a chair moved. then nothing happened. i speak thru the slightly open window, " hello, anyone home?" and got a huge echo back. stunned.. then mark poke the window.. abit abit abit until it was totally open.. no one no furniture. walaueh
i'm damn freaked out lor honestly.
but the units are real near so hope the chair sound was the neighbour's.

2) clothes hanging along the corridor. 2 rows (up and down. up had a shirt, down had a skirt) looks like a floating suspended person w/0 head.. cause this was right at the end of the corridor and we saw it from damn far away la. eee

3) house tt looks empty. we knocked. sudden lightening! THUNDER.
it's a sign. we left immediately haaaaa

we encounter many empty houses. i think cause they are just 1-rms tt are not rented.
some houses despite small looked real nice.
paiseh for disturbing some dinners but today no hostile pple i think.. just some firmly refuse despite our attempts to convince them to try.

n me n mark going up blk 202 (but the right floor) in an attempt to go py's house haaaa.

ll blog more if i rem anything else. haaa
field work's damn tiring but nevertheless, fun to meet all sorts of pple! haaa

finally i can sit down and write something other than cofm or chp
cofm's over.. manage to hand it up, altho not up to the best i can do but oh well it's the best i can do w/in the given period of time due to my procrastination n hosp also la

chp
gp leader work are really not my kinda thing. but since i'm in it i'll just have to learn along the way. i think pple dynamics are v complicated.. so many so many issuses
i dont like it when it gives me bad vibes when i talk to my frens/gp mates abt the project.
bad vibes amongst us
bad vibes from myself w irritation n stress

but there are fun times too
me and tracy laughed damn alot yest at the amt of things we can screw up in such a short timeframe

now i dont have time to blog le. chp again later la

亲爱的老徐，
我会没事的。只是最近有些让我心烦的事。
而且情绪起伏太大了吧。
有点累。
新年新希望！我们一起加油吧！
好久不见了。咱们何时能再见呢？

i'm real tired n sleepy
everytime i close my eyes, i get a nap tt i have problems waking up from.
it's plagued by nightmares
this painting vividly came into my mind
cant rem where i have seen it.
google? a lecture? watever.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Scream
interesting.

i'm 45 min behind time!
no more chp today. only cofm
huay i didnt wake up panicking la.. still got this weird feeling of optimism
but must talk abt my dreams in those 5 hrs of sleep

someone gave me lotsa roses in my sleep hahaa how romantic right
but the horror to it all, it took up so much of my time that i was late. i missed a flight to hongkong w my family and i had to wait for the next one... i guess this is subconsciously i feel " no time, no time, no time!!"

then one min later my mama my bro n me become sales people and we knocked on a door that dont wan2 open for us. when they finally did, it's q a quaint house. and we had to sell them something and i had prob explaining my product.. i didnt even know wat i was selling
hahaa must b pilot study frying my brains aft i knocked doors and pressed bells yest. hee

guess i'm doing too much blogging
but sitting in front of com for so many hrs and getting sian. this is it la.

cofm cofm i love cofm lalala

8.熬夜

作词：陈颖见　作曲：陈颖见
就在最近这几天
我总是发呆老半天
盘旋在脑海中不去的是
你的话语和难忘的笑脸

就在最近这几天
离开学校的日子很空闲
我总是有时没事就温习过去
还有重看我们的照片

飞呀时间为何那么快的不见
一起欢笑一起流泪的日子
将这几年点缀成美丽的画面

飞呀我请月光洒在我的身边
我将学习如何去思念
转载来自

好久没有熬夜做功课 了。
虽然眼泛泪光(在打哈欠)，但证明身体好多了吧
cofm ah cofm
chp ah chp
你让我的gpmembers 三四点才睡，真是evil.
bk to work

today i'm in a very good mood. it's amazing.
mayb it's the getting out there, the fresh air, the meeting pple, meeting frens i hafnt seen 4 so long (like tracy etc), the climbing of stairs, the sweating, the talking to nice aunties and uncles who actually responded to our studies.. many many things make me happy today.

my team's nice too. there's py boontar suhui, i'm in subgp w mark n qinyong who r q funny n nice pple. disturbing of dogs n running away and stuff la during the pilot study.

had only whipped potato frm kfc for lunch. my comfort food :)
BUT i went to drink coke.. py gave me a few sips and i was craving for it la. the craving was so bad i went into macs to get the smallest one. it made my day too.
now must pray no tummyache/diarrhea/vomiting tonight (must go touch wood like dr lee)

i feel my self coming bk
i feel my life seeping bk into myself
it feels good.

the only sad bit for today is seeing jeremy n tracy so shag so tired frm all the planning for the project. i feel q ashamed of myself la. the useless leader who did nothing n i realize i'm a v unrealistic person.

now all ready to do cofm after this.
let me finish cofm k. i wan2 do it well cause i really like mdm liau n i owe her our pix together. mayb when i get time i'll go visit her again.

then i'll put all my energy into cofm and hope to lighten the load/remove some load frm my dear gp mates/ subgp leaders shoulders. i'm coming i'm coming

pls pls let me finish cofm tonight!
i can do it man!!
nu li to nu li (right huay?)

wah the pills i eat are real potent.
i really cant open my eyes now. walaueh... i think the pills are oversedating.
n i had this recurrent dream for 2 days already. they kinda continue.
forever i cant make it in time for the classes i go for stuff
n i slept on cofm last nite. crap.
braddel mrt 9am.

wah the pills i eat are real potent.
i really cant open my eyes now. walaueh... i think the pills are oversedating.
n i had this recurrent dream for 2 days already. they kinda continue.
forever i cant make it in time for the classes i go for stuff
n i slept on cofm last nite. crap.
braddel mrt 9am.

To further test my patience and saniety, the fucking computer kept asking me if my version of windows is genuine. It is wat.. I bought it legitimately. I dunnoe how to fix it so I’ve been ignoring it forever. Until today I did something. I killed my windows media player. Now I cant use it anymore. I don’t have the time energy and mood to fix it seriously. So I decided to make a new play list w thousands of songs w realplayer. Mayb it’s a blessing in disguise… hearing the songs down the list in a diff sequence gives a real diff feeling and has a calming effect.
I feel more calm now. Ribena pastilles helped. I love ribena pastilles.
N I heard this song again. On a night tt ll be very long. With me expecting many phonecalls coming in later in the night.. here’s a song for myself.

歌词
林慧萍 驿 歌词 LRC
詞:李姚　 曲;蔣三省　 口白:黃舒駿
(口白)
火車站的候車室　
時常坐著一位打扮整齊的中年婦人
手裡抱著一個老式皮箱　
游目張望　似乎在期待什麼
第一次見到婦人是他高中的時候　
每天夜裡從桃園通車到台北補習
深夜十一點回到桃園　
婦人總是準時地坐在候車室的木椅上
等待著的姿勢　
不安的眼神　
端整的打扮　
好像在等待著某一個約好的人
起先他沒有特別留意她　
可是時間一久　
尤其是沒有旅客的時候
婦人就格外顯的孤寂　
有一天他終於下定決心　
在候車室等待那婦人離去
一直到深夜落　
一直到凌晨一點　
婦人才站了起來走到候車室的黑板前用粉筆寫著
( 水:等你沒等到　我先走了!　英　留)
那時他才知道　
原來候車室長久以來的這則留言是出自那婦人
後來車站的老人告訴他　
婦人已經在候車室坐了二十幾年了
有人說她瘋了　
有人說曾看見她打開皮箱　
箱裡裝的是少女時代的衣服
大部分的人都說　
在二十幾年前那個夜晚　
英和她的水約好在車站碰面
要私奔到某一個不知名的地方　
可是叫水的那個男人卻缺席了
有一天他回家的時候　
不再看到英的影子　
問了車站許多人都不知道為什麼
這風雨無阻的婦人那一天沒有來　
第二天的清晨
英殘缺的身體被發現在鐵道上　
皮箱滾到很遠的地方旅客留言板上有她的字跡　
只改了幾個字
( 水:等你三十年　我先走了!　英　留...)

就這樣　斷了線　就真這樣　不再相見
飛出了時間　飛出天邊　飛到另外一個　沒有我的天
經過許多年　所有的眷戀　飄浮在時空裡　沒有終點
人生是一張　泛黃的相片　而我站在車站靜止的畫面



- 在这么难过的一天，听一听这首歌，别有一番滋味。

today is a weird day
i was in a terribly bad mood. so bad tt anything tt cross my path would die a horrible death.
then i became too busy to notice the bad mood
i needed codeine phosphate desparately and i cant figure out y so many pharmacies island wide and i can only find one tt's remotely near
then i became v happy cause met my auntie n she insist i buy e first lottery tix of my life (hope i win something)
then i became stress and weird n scare my mama
then now lousy mood.
i'll go do cofm.
cant seem to finish it.

i think the last post was abit scary to read for all my friends. so here is something more lighthearted.

i'm feeling much better already. really. no more vomiting just 3 bouts of diarrhea but i hope it's cause i started eating already and my GIT is trying to purge toxins tt went beyond the pt of no return and cudnt be vomited out.

i feel well. but tummy still abit wobbly n cant take too much at one time.. so it's porridge for me for all meals la

thnx to huay who called frm UK. hearing ur voice is reassuring :)

sorry to ser for not being able to make it to the airport last nite (was so near... she went in when i was at tpe sengkang) and she had to run to the gate.

but CONGRATS on landing in SPAIN safe n sound..

good to hear ur voice thru skype.. i need to buy a mic to stop our monologue.

and thnx to py.. must b sian in sch alone.. i'll b bk on MONDAY! wait for me

and of course to dearest FELICIA!

Happy birthday!!

this foto was from last year's may during ps's birthday with us la.. think u look pretty in there!

felicia is a buddy for almost 10 years. my kagia in the gang who is out there to over throw me anytime but a great friend, always sensitive to all our feelings... love so many things about her. her handwriting.. her christmas cards.. her wit and humour.. her friendship.. haiz u know la huh i wrote wat i wanted to tell u in our card this yr

so cheers to a gangmate for many years and for many more years to come.

Happpy 22nd birthday felicia. May it be filled with fun and happiness.

I AM FINALLY HOME

I've really got to take down this experience of a life time before i forgot any bit of it. Due to the unwell feeling, the timeline is probably abit fuzzy but i'll try.

It started of christmas day when my tummy started to ache ( i know this part coz i've given this hx many times)
this mild generalized discomfort which i tried to relieve w panadol n pohchaipills..
then the pain persisted to boxing day when it was still around.
somehow on 27th wed it stopped. i was really glad cause i meant that i could go out to meet gang, py's bk frm YN, we can go hy's house to get christmas present, we can eat sakae sushi buffet and watch The Holiday (probably a must-see girly x'mas show)
well everything went well and it's been a long time since all of gang who are present locally are present so i was real happy
but alas, i didnt get to watch the later 1/2 of the holiday
the show started at 6.50

by 8pm i was twisting n turning in my chair and could not sit up straight. there was this feeling of nausea and i felt tt i was going to puke in my seat.
there were 2 empty seats beside me (ah tan, this is frm ahgong gonggor club)
so out i went to the toilet outside. thank god the toilet was relatively clean. w clean seat clean floor and i ended up squatting in the cubicle hugging the toilet bowl and trying to puke.
in the end i had to stick my trusty R index finger in and out came my sushi..
but i never felt better. never got bk to the show. i only managed to go bk in to get my bag and came out... called my mum who called my dad who (sorry to his student) got his student to go home to come pick me up.. by then it was almost 9+ and most clinics were closed already. so my dad drove around until amk ave 3 chong boon area where there this peace clinic tt's open till midnite.
while puking my gut out waiting for my queue number to be called, outside the clinic, a giant cockroach flew and landed on my wrist. wth. oh well too sick to scream i just jolted out of my seat n fling it off.. then it was my turn in n out i went w/in 5 min because we both didnt think it was anything serious. i thought it was just some indigestion (from too much good food - the lousy fate of a tamjiatgui) or gastritis and he thought like wise too. i like the doc. he's a nice gentle man. oh well he gave me maxolon, buscopan, meteospasmyl.
i puked a total of 6 times that night.
but after i took the pills and was happy for half a day (hai didnt do my cofm but watched huayangshaonianshaonu py bought frm me frm YN) n after dinner, IT came!

the nausea the vomiting... my little white puke container... i puked n puked n puked... w couple of mins interval each time... puked while i watch project superstar (to support D - for py n ser) and at 3 am after a total of countless of retching n 6 hugh puking sprees.. i decided it's time to check myself into the hospital.. thru the night i was moving rd the house trying to find a comfortable position.. talked to my er ge but nothing could stop it from coming. so i calmly woke my parents up at 3am... and my dad checked me into TTSH A&E.

at the A&E i lied on tt little push-table.. retching away..
was really impressed by the registar lady doc who got the blue plug in at one shot. at the cubital fossa area.. unlike my frens like happy veins.. my veins really aint tt prominent. they are real hard to see n find but SHE GOT IT IN! hope i'm like her one day.. so the metoclopramide went in n the N/S went in too but the retching didnt stop. i was observed at the A&E for a abt 2+ hrs until 6+ when it's decided tt since i cant stop vomiting.. i've got to b hospitalized. during the observation at A&E, i met a nice gentle nurse who gave me milo n bread cause i was real hungry but after a cup of milo.. the vomiting was unstoppable once again.

so at almost 7am, i was pushed up to ward 7A, welcomed by a male nurse n my dad.
nurse UMI kinda did the first hand clerking abt drug allergies PMH fall hx n stuff.. so is a real nice lady.. i really like her. cause i cry alot thru out my stay she'll always call me sayang :) she was the first to intro all the other nurses to me and told me: "welcome to ward 7A" feel free to call us anytime when u need anything.

then dad left n i tried to sleep but retched away.. sorry to mdm lee my neighbour and also another auntie opp me whom i didnt get to know cause she got d/c the same afternoon. however both patients n families got real disturbed by my retching n vomiting.

then i cant really rem wat happened already.. the next few days were q a blur.. think my mama my bros my sister-in-laws (i think they are now) came and ser n py stayed the whole day w me... actually i dint wan2 bother my frens i thought i'll b out on the same day if i stopped puking but I WAS WRONG. it was kinda a beginning of a nightmare.
that day i was q happy. richard uncle came too, my dad.. and i was joking/laughing kinda my usual self they'll left at 10+ everyone believed i cud leave by the next day which was 30th.. i was thinking hmm still got time to do cofm.
but tt night was the longest night of my entire life.
worst then mugging for pros.

i cudnt sleep at all.
i woke up at midnight. w/o family.. not tt i was scared of the dark but i just cant get bk to sleep. everytime i lied down slightly, i retched. so up-down-up-down i went staring at the clock tick frm 12 midnight to 8 in the morning. i started to have a panic attack at 3/4? am.. felt tt my chest was real tight n i could not breathe.. this lady nurse ( didnt manage to get her name) was v kind.. kept coming in to ask how she can help me but i didnt know too. the HO was real busy. some patient was decompensating. i felt real bad for being such a pain-in-the-ass. the HO had to calm me down over the phone n assure me tt she'll be w me asap. but i really cant breathe well and started hyperventilating.. at abt 6am, she came n did n ECG on me finally and it was normal.. they worry abt some cardiac events and took my bld for cardiac enzymes. i was kinda clamed down abit managed to sleep for a while before i was woken up at 7+ then the retching started and i just lost it.. i went bersek..

seriously. i was crying and crying and crying. i didnt really understand y. mayb i felt real unwell. mayb i felt tt i need to whine for my parents. mayb crying stopped the retching for a whee bit. i cried and started hyperventilating. by the time my team docs came i was hyperventilating so much that my fingers were all extended and cant be flexed. all my muscles felt cramped, from my fingers to my abdomen, my back, my knees, my feet, my face felt like something was compressing it.. it was a real weird feeling n i was walking w a spastic gait. (seriously). i was cant even sms properly and i needed help to pee.. the nursing assistant was q worried for me she brought me a bed pan. first time i ever used a bed pan in my life. it feels abit weird. now i know.
well before the toilet thingy. the docs came. everyone knew i was a medical student.. cause the first nurse umi clerked me i told her n she told the first HO on call who clerked me and then i think they kinda bold n stamped(i think) on my file. all the docs knew.. they spent q abit of time w me.. getting plastic bag for me to breathe in, telling me to calm down. one said, "huimin.. you are going to work in this profession, no matter wat we have to stay calm at all times" i'll always remember tt but i culdnt help it.. they asked me to slow down my breathing, breathed w me and i insisted tt i wanted to go home. i told them tt staying in the hospital is making me very anxious. i dont know wat i'm anxious about. mayb it's the thought of staying wide awake thru the night retching. feeling extreme fatigue but still retching. the sense of discomfort, unwellness, i told them tt staying in the hospital is driving me crazy. and i really believed that to be true. i cant lie down, i cant sit, i cant walk around. nothing makes me comfortable.

so now tt i have a history of panic attack and hyperventilation, i'm slightly worried tt i might happen again in the future. i hope i'll never let it happen again.

tt was one terrible day.. and my bros came py came again.. my 4th uncle came. he gave me a drink tt suppose to dispel evil spirits and i vomited voluminous amounts after drinking it n he said i'll be fine. believe it or not. i'm a free thinker. i'm not superstitious but i go pray when my mama asked me to. the "god" once said tt i dont believe in such things but one day it'll happen to me n i'll believe it. i wonder if it's this day. but i think frm tt day on i was an emotional wreck.. i cry at the slightest things. things tt make me uncomfortable (my retching n vomiting) things tt make me feel touched ( my family's love n concern n my fren's visiting) i cried.. never cried so much in my life.. never got to know this vulnerability side of myself (yes py ll talk abt me crying under the petronas tower when i had GE in sec sch)

i was given a blue letter to the pyschiatrist to optimize my recovery. if i'm not wrong, his name is prof Ong. he's an interesting old man. he looks at u above his reading glasses and talks in a very calm tone. he tried to advise, talk me thru my anxiety.. he used a couple of cheem terms but he assures me i'll learn in pyschiatry in the future (med student identity exposed once again). in short he meant i was making a moutain out of a mole hill (in a nice way) he says tt i cant see myself getting well.. which was true. i can only see my nonstop vomiting n retching n discomfort. which was true. he say by making such a small illness into a ultra big event, i might see it as a near death event and be traumatized by the near death event for a long time.. i seemed to be going in that direction n it is not healthy at all. i told him i think the retching is physcological, because i think tt retching ll make me feel better, but it doesnt. in fact it makes it worse. but he thinks it's still the gastritis and of course the anxiety too. so after a long long chat i felt abit better and he tried to hypnotize me.. focus on a small point, close ur eyes n try to imagine the pt thru ur closed eyes. when i count to 3 u ll feel ur mouth n lips very relaxed.. then use ur imagination to feel the relaxation spread thru ur face, ur shoulders, ur arms, ur abdomen, ur pelvis all the way down to ur feet. by the time i start counting from 10, u'll feel totally relaxed and feel urself lighter n lighter ( even w the feeling of floating) and when i count to 3 u ll open ur eyes and by 1 u'll be totally awake. sorry dr ong. the relaxed feeling went to the toes but not totally.. all my muscles were still cramped frm the hyperventilation n i was unable to relax them and i didnt feel the floaty feeling...

my dad came soon after. he was q angry w the phychiatrist i think. cause he believed tt his daughter aka me, is not a nut case n didnt need one. but i explained to him it was a one off anxiety attack.. but i think he might not come to terms with tt.. using his own way.. my dad brought me out of the ward.. he insisted i pushed the wheelchair, not sit on it and walked ard w him.. my dad is a strong man. he believes tt fresh air and all will allow me to get well. and so we walked around, wanting to visit his frens doing physio n occupational therapy in the hospital but they went home already.

i was given ativan to help me sleep and had such a good night sleep on 30th's night to 31st.. i really thought i was able to go home on 31st.. even wrote my thankyou card to the doctors and nurses already... but lo and behold.. i was well and everything until sometime in the afternoon after i drank some water frm coffeebean (went down for a walk) and started puking non stop again.. haiz then the cry n anxiety and emotion all came again.. ser n py came again i think.. and so did almost all my aunties and cousin n uncles n even my ah ma! came to visit me.. haiz.. i was feeling all those guilt tt i made everyone worry everyone busy..

sleeping on the 31st night aint tt good too.. only managed to sleep at 3am. been up n down up n down retching away. each time i sit up, my mama ll sit up to look at me resulting in her unable to sleep as well... guilt guilt as usual.

there goes my wish to spend the new year's eve home reflecting on the year tt has past n the year tt's coming.

1st of jan was one of the badder days. my 7th aunt came early in the morning cooking kwaytiao n marcorni soup for me.. juices buskits she brought everything but after having one mouthful of marcorni.. the vomiting started.. the crying started. so in summary i was an emotional wreck if u've seen me these few days, right? i hate myself for being so weak.. all my life i've pride myself as being a strong n independent person. only abit more yang-orh when it comes to exam stress but other than tt.. i'm myself.. not those sickening little girls tt need to cling on to their elder siblings n sulk if they cant go out w them. i've always been independent willing to try anything coming my way. but not this time. i totally lost it. lost to to my illness. lost to my weak will power. i'm just plain weak.
i'll mumble mumble all the time.. my dage says, " i cannot cry. i cannot vomit anymore" i'll grab my brothers' hands ask them to trust me that i'm getting well, i'll be strong but i'm so not showing it.

i cried like shit when caleb came to see me.. i'm sorry to hear abt him coming bk frm taiwan. then yingxian n ny came too... then huiyi n huixian came too.. pleasantly surprising me w the snow man they left w my neighbour after not finding me at home with.. still hospitalized. then fel n py came then my 4th auntie livia uncle came too. (hope i didnt miss out anyone.. i was q delirious frm all those retching n crying already). i cant rem when but siwei n josh came by to visit me too. at night jialin tek came up w fel n py all these pple.. all these pple who truly care for me all came. my autie fed me mouthful at a time.. of porridge.. after a couple of tries i puke all out.. i took an omeprazole, and vomited it out immediately.. could still see the pink pill. so the nurse suggested i take the maxolon first and 1/2 hr later the rest. n my auntie continued feeding mouthfuls of milo... until i finally managed to tolerate some stuff in my tummy and last dinner was the last time i vomited. before my auntie's little magic trick.. my mama had her own way.. my retching has become such a habit i suspect it felt like bulimia.. everything i eat.. i'll retch it out.. fingers had been used seriously cause the discomfort in the chest when i lie down was terrible.. my mama encourage me not to puke.. cause all i did was burp out air. burping nonstop, cause the retching caused me to suck in alot of air. i tahan tahan the whole night.. some pt in time i cudnt sleep cause i cant stop burping.. but my family held my hand n i finally managed to sleep till this morning.

was unable to be discharged before 1 cause i had a fever spike the night before and they wanted to observe for 24 hrs but i insisted i need to go home today so by almost 5 i could go home! met ah tan n weiting.. before i left thnx for coming.

this experience taught me quite a few things.

i have alot of pple who love me dearly.
my immediate family: my dad, my mum, my da ge, my er ge, xiao hui, eunice
i was damn touched when the nurses and neighbours asked if they were my sisters and they readily said yes/considered to be. never had elder sis before so it felt real nice
my dad who cancelled many students and cant concentrate at work because of me
my mama who refused to go home but slept in tt hard little uncomfortable chair to take care of me.. who teared when i cried
my dage who held my hand n told me i'll be alright. i'm his sis and got to be strong. n bought me cds and gifts frm hongkong.. he was real shocked when he came bk frm holiday to find me hospitalized
my erge.. always suan me like shit bought me my fav kfc whipped potato which i ate when i cudnt eat anything else. who went scouting for vcds i like.. and bought me tokyo juliet just because he saw wuzun's face n know i like wuzun frm huayangshaonianshaonu.. he ll hold my hand n promise me kfc when i get well.. our late night studying n ordering of macs.. w me whining cause last order of kfc is forever before midnight.
eunice who ll hold my hand n coax me to sleep n encourage me
xiaohui who's presence is ever so reassuring.. who ll talk to the docs n settle stuff for me
and so many many things they did for me tt i cant possible write all of them down here.

my extended family: aunties uncles cousins ahma
my aunties who tell me to them i'm their daughter too.. who fed me every mouth of food/milo despite me throwing up everything.. who whisper in my ear.. saying tt they'll wait for me to get well.. uncles who ll pat my back, hold my hand, chase away evil spirits, do everything they can for me.. cousins like ahboy who reassures me w tt look of his.. angel msg me during her lunch break everyday to see my progress and was so worried. liv who gets hot water, gets hairclips, gets hairbands, feed me milo.. my dear little cousins whom i've always thought of as my younger siblings (cause i'm youngest at home) all came to support

my frens:
gang - py who was here everyday despite having to rush her cofm proj after she return frm YN. doing her project.. letting me hear songs.. encouraging me.. w hugs
ser - last few days in spore could really be spent better ways than coming to ttsh n spending the whole day looking at sickly me n gossiping w my mama
fel- who was sick too but came w tulips n reassurance
huiyi - came to my house then to hosp once she knew i was in there, encouraging me
xian - try to get jay to sing to me to distract me frm retching n comforting me
caleb - held me hand till i could control my breathing.. praying for me
yingxian - a comforting pat on the hand n the look on his face was real encouraging
ny - he came in the morn but we didnt get a chance to talk. i was real surprised last nite when i woke up suddenly seeing him sitting on a chair beside my bed reading.. waiting for me to wake up to chat.. but the pills made me too sleep. thnx pal. i'll always rem tt. we shall talk more next time k! cya real soon in sch.
ah lin& tek - sorry i was too busy trying not to puke/cry to talk to u guys.. but thnx for being there
siwei n josh - thnx for visiting...
mr oh. - my dad's fren.. a dear uncle to me.. when he was doing his chemo, under isolation, i clerked him, examined him.. now when he's better he came to comfort me. he say i'm sad, crying cause i think too much. he told me.. look at ur hands huimin. what have u got there? i wanted to say fingers but the ans was nothing.. we hold nothing in our hands.. we shudnt desire many many things.. tt ll only make us unhappy when we dont get it. as long as we stay happy we ll be fine.

i really hope i didnt miss out any frens i family who came physically to see me. i might be too delirious to rem but i'll forever b grateful to u guys

and also those who i didnt manage to catch their names.. there's a nurse Umi.. the first one i came in contact w.. nurse XM, who helped me through my night of hyperventilation, nurse R who gave me her hp to make frens w me, n all the nurses n aunties who served me food n stuff... staff who wheeled me for CXR AXR.. tell me their daughters abt my age.. call me sayang tell me not to cry.. nurse Doris frm 5D like to make me laugh thru my tears.. so many others i thank them all. they all say waiting 2.5 yrs i must go bk ttsh work w them (hope they dont laugh at me this med student who like to cry)

the team docs.. dr A the HO who clerked mi first was real nice.. how did they know i was med student? just because i told him my vomitus was nonbloody n nonbilious he immediately asked if i was a med staff haaa. one word gave me away. since then they kinda chopped stamped signed tt i'm med student n everyone ll ask me abt it.. the docs were v kind.. i know ward rounds suppose to have no time must chop chop curry pok but they actually sat down confort me.. pointed out to me i was hyperventilating me, got me plastic bags to breathe in.. rub my shoulders n all. thnx guys!

oh my tian.. and injections are bloody painful. plugs are painful we all know tt.. but the A&E doc sui sui got it in not much pain i've got no complaints just tt everytime i bend my elbows it hurts la.. then there were IM injections.. dont think it's a mosquito bite.. i mean if small vol prob no sweat.. i'm the kind who likes to stare when pple inject me w stuff.. but IM considerable amts of maxolon is mother paiful! ABG! f*** damn painful too argh.. now i feel guitly for missing a couple when i did night calls last time... n i finally found out y some docs dont like my fav vein.. i asked the HO. as someone w/o prominent veins for bldtaking i've only got one good prominent palpable one.. it's on the lateral side of ur hand, near the anatomical snuff box.. i cud always get the bld there.. tt's where the HO took today too.. i asked him y it's not the first choice (once i heard frm someone there's some nerve there - i'm not sure) he says he feels tt it likes to run.. and of course how can they let me go w/o blood taking form the dorsum of my hand?
but the HO is damn funny.. he say easiest is always femoral! if u miss the artery, u get the vein haaa n he said during his time there were rumours during surg posting tt female students allowed male classmates to practice breast exam on them. sure or not?!? i raised my eyebrows at him.. he just shrugged n said rumors la..

i always knew i was the baby of my family but this hospitalization made me consciously aware how my parents n bros n (future) sis-in-laws treat me
it made me realize many things abt myself too..
i always thought i'm mentally strong.. judo training can get real tough, tooth extraction w dentisit i'll hate w my guts but a little virus just crumble me.. made me such a useless whiner. i've never felt more useless then this ever before. i cant help but feel sad, angry, guilty.. watever.. everyone tell me i think too much, but i've always been this escapist who dont think abt my problems... i dont cry tt easily seriously, except for movies n books.. but i cried enuff these couple of days to make up a yr's worth probably.
i feel ashamed to b such a weak daughter sister fren
but everyone still nice enough to tell mi it's ok cause i'm sick
but deep down i know.. i'm just a real weak person. n i'm not sure if i can come to terms w that.
haiz
i think this post is getting way too long.. little meals are making me hungry again
cofm project not done
chp grp leader not present
wat a way to start the year.
resolution
ser says.. keep a diary (i'm trying my best w the blog) i need to learn more abt myself la.

thnx to all those who came
sorry to all those i didnt inform.. didnt wan to bother u guys..
i'll b bk in sch hopefully monday.
n hopefully one day i'll b good enuff to b collegue w them all.