well i actually heard this song over class 95 last nite and wanted to post it at 2am but my house actually suffered a blackout while i was trying to finish my case writeup.. i looked around for help but everyone's sleeping so the darkness kinda didnt bother them.. luckily i had a torch just in my drawer and manage to save my ass by flicking tt essential switch within the mains.. :)

this wk at CTVS.. well i've always been rather interested in the heart stuff.. and this week kinda demistifies cardiac surgeries to me.. altho i watched abit of 2 CABGs.. it was brought wat the books say to life.. how they do the sternotomy, how the saw the sternum w like an electic saw, how they harvest the LIMA and saphenous vein.. how they test the tiny holes tt were created in the veins n patch it up.. how to stitch the vessel to bypass the coronary artery.. well i only watched till tt part.. how they stitch up the sternum w wires etc etc

seeing a heart pumping right infront of your eyes.. that guy showed mi his heart, his true real heart.. i could see it pumping.. but i wonder where do emotions come from.. sayings such as follow you heart, listen to your heart.. is the heart physiologically related to emotions? i wonder.. or issit just another organ in human's anatomy that performs those functions we think we know of? i wanted to ask someone.. like a surgeon, this qn but didnt find the right time or the right feeling to discuss such stuff.. probably they'll find it a weird question right?

oh well.. in my wk i also kinda helped out to do discharge summaries and double up as the mysterious masked 1/2 student of the vascular team.. only appearing during ot behind the mask..

yea these are the stuff i did, and the grand ward rounds topic was self harm that was really interesting.. i think we can catergorize people who harm themselves into 2 kinds, those who want to die and those who dont. they inflict pain upon themselves because physical pain is so much more bearable than emotional pain. and they feel relieved after they harm themselves, be it cutting themselves or other stuff... kids also can respond in such a way manifesting as head-banging and biting themselves i think.. they cope w these behavioural changes.. the speaker's really q cool cause he writes articles regularly, analyzing paintings done by patients with psychiartic problems and getting a peek into their lives and their minds..

such thoughts might have crossed my mindsbefore.. i had had times when i wanted to inflict some pain.. but i dun noe where or how to.. i look at my hands and thought to myself that i should protect them to do procedures next time and i cant find a place to put those weird thoughts into action so i gave up. but oh well the speaker suggested the inner thigh is where these patients like to cut themselves because it's a private thing and they dont wan pple to see it.. hmm

recently i'm on these exhilarating roller coaster rides that i love so much.. it's rough.

oh n i got this eye infection now.. causing blurred vision and lotsa discomfort but i gotta finish my bit on the pharmaco presentation by my cg tonight! my eyes can barely open... mayb i should watch some brad pitt on youtube or something..

all in all 6wks of surgery's over n i think i had fun.. there's so much more to learn isnt it?
Dr C offered me a tutorial w him on CTVS in nov.. hope we ll make it come true.
Dr V is a nice russian man, who's really q cute and nice, but he has his moments too.. the first thing he spoke to me was, " do you want to be a heart surgeon?"
Dr A is a nice german lady, who has a heavy workload but i like her cause she taught me alot.. i sense her fustration when pple dont understand her cause she's a foreigner and she has a strong accent but she's nice.
Dr Z is a blangdashi man, who's the only doc so far that truely remembers my name.. for the whole week! he told me medical students will become doctors 3 times in their life
1) when they get into medical school
2) when they start their clinical postings
3) when they graduate..
haha he's the chest tube man, seriously!

the stimulation thingy was q exciting to me actually, altho our tutor only stayed with us 1/3 of the time.. but i get to play w stuff i only see on tv.. i defibrillated the dummy man.. w a real thing! somehow in my mind it didnt click tt the machine was real.. cause it's my first time touching it and i was kinda just exploring it.. it could have been dangerous.. intubation of a mummy, giving o2, giving meds, bloods etcetc
impt practical skills huh..
and seeing it done in OT today made it more meaningful as well :)

pharmaco pharmaco pharmaco..
have a good weekend..

ANNA NALICK LYRICS

"Breathe (2 AM)"
2 AM and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake,
"Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?,
I don't love him. Winter just wasn't my season"
Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to criticize,
Hypocrites. You're all here for the very same reason

'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl.
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe

May he turn 21 on the base at Fort Bliss
"Just a day" he said down to the flask in his fist,
"Ain't been sober, since maybe October of last year."
Here in town you can tell he's been down for a while,
But, my God, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles,
Wanna hold him. Maybe I'll just sing about it.

Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table.
No one can find the rewind button, boys,
So cradle your head in your hands,
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe

There's a light at each end of this tunnel,
You shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you only try turning around.

2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to

But you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand.
and breathe, just breathe
woah breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe.

i feel quite refresh to wake up from my 3hour nap..
to look at the quiet TPE w the beautifully lit overhead bridge outside my window.
why do you always make the same mistake?

i didnt know that there was a whole japanese drama wound round this statue.. to think i've watched it many years ago but have no recollection even when i went to odaiba this year and saw this 自由の女神 right before my eyes.. haha and in the background there's the rainbow bridge...

week in plastics have been quite fun..
although we have not been appearing in front of the team alot but we got a chance to talk to other patients..
sending off huayu on wednesday night truely signifies the end of our summer isnt it?
and this year it was before we celebrated MAF..
friday's night call was quite fun..
oh well.. tomorrow will be another day.
p(^ ^)q

can i say that this is possibly the jay song that is closest to our hearts?
each time huayu is back.. we ll hear it somehow.. mornings of sleepovers where we wake up to your brother playing this song, tonight's drive back to your place..
we have got our favourite lines from the lyrics of this song right?
enjoy!
and thnx for the cd! :) i'll listen to it carefully and find my favourite song from the new album. :)
take care ar, peng yous

一

てるてる坊主 てる坊主

あした天気に しておくれ

いつかの夢の 空のよに 晴れたら

金の鈴あげよ

ニ

てるてる坊主 てる坊主

あした天気に しておくれ

私の願いを 聞いたなら

あまいお酒を たんと飲ましょ

三

てるてる坊主 てる坊主

あした天気に しておくれ

それでも曇って　泣いてたら

そなたの首を チョンと切るぞ

the ending of this song is abit violent but i like it

最近はいつも雨がふりますね。

体の外も心の中も

どうしようかな？

てるてる坊主を作るほうがいいかな~？

and this song.. somehow it reminds me of huayu.. :)

of course this is for felicia and serene

argh i cant stand it.. i'm starting to like youtube more! haa
imotoyo -
song: meguriai by chage and aska

this is for peiyun! AHHH ur fave actor leh! :)
oh my.. this is from so long ago, issit? wat a classic jap drama

i like this song! do they still play at Wala Wala.. i hafnt been there..

oh man they actually performed that on stage.. hahahaha

this is damn funny.. that ah fat ar.. cant believe we spoke to him that night when we went to watch World Cup.. and the most hilarious bit is ngak playing the guitar w a straight face right? hahaa

AHHHH serene check this out.. i thought i would just try my luck and here u go... our nights at timbre listening to them.. this's the one on tues nite issit?

for serene, thnx for waking me up frm my nap and cure my W***eyes problem, and this is to make up for that time i cudnt tape timmy down from timbre on my camera.. :)

i was just wondering if i could put youtube videos on.. so just wanted to test it out.
haa it actually works. i'm impressed, or mayb i was just wols.

well this has been a pretty trying week for me i have to say...

but i had a song for the week.. the one i will whistle down corridors - Hey Jude-Beatles
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fya_1cBTJoI
i learnt those 3 G major cords in piano class on tues and those few lines of melody played by the teacher when we play those chords kinda got stuck in my head and wont come off...

Hey Jude, don't make it bad.
Take a sad song and make it better.
Remember to let her into your heart,
Then you can start to make it better.

Hey Jude, don't be afraid.
You were made to go out and get her.
The minute you let her under your skin,
Then you begin to make it better.

And anytime you feel the pain, hey Jude, refrain,
Don't carry the world upon your shoulders.
For well you know that it's a fool who plays it cool
By making his world a little colder.

Hey Jude, don't let me down.
You have found her, now go and get her.
Remember to let her into your heart,
Then you can start to make it better. S

o let it out and let it in, hey Jude, begin,
You're waiting for someone to perform with.
And don't you know that it's just you, hey Jude, you'll do,
The movement you need is on your shoulder.

Hey Jude, don't make it bad.
Take a sad song and make it better.
Remember to let her under your skin,
Then you'll begin to make it
Better better better better better better, oh.

Na na na, na na na na, na na na, hey Jude...


and there was this funny incident abt
PREGNANT ladies..
on thurs evening i was just telling py that everytime i manage to get a sit on the NEL at outram or b4 dhoby ghaut i would wish that at dhoby ghaut no pregnant ladies or elderly would step those those 2 doors near me.. because i would feel this need to give up my seat and it would be a long-stand home..
and on thurs evening, lo and behold a preg lady came on at dhoby ghaut and i let her have my seat.. that was ok, i didnt mind but when i reached sengkang i actually alighted w 2 other preg ladies frm the same cabin who were preg as well, i was really wondering wat a conincidence to see so many preg mums at 1 shot.. and when i was walking home, i walked past another preg mum. this evening on my way back.. i saw yet ANOTHER one at bouna vista when someone else gave up his seat to her..
so i was just thinking better dont say such things out next time
i seriously wan2 tell myself: jangan pantang, but haha i really think such stuff v pantang to say it out la.. right?

then there was paeds posting.. which i enjoy but felt that it was q a pity cause i didnt read up b4hand and was q lost..
Prof P was my pbl tutor, and he's q an interesting.. he calls me THE COUGHER
cause in ot on monday i just couldnt stop coughing.. but he still let me n py each scrub in for an op to help..
Dr L... he's really one of a kind.. i have not seen any tutor who's like him so far.. and he really reminds me of jenheng, the way he gets v high even on air, he's unique way with kids and parents. when he speaks he can be v funny and entertaining and the kids just love him. he'll whisper " have you da bian?" to girl patients mayb cause it may be an embarrassing question.. he likes to quiz us on anatomy in the ot.. and if u cant rem, he'll always say.." cant rem already issit?"
today's urodynamics was an eyeopener.. the poor 19yr old and 20mth old kid.. the 20mth old was really noisy and active at the beginning... v cute but had to sedate him aft much of a struggle for him to sleep but immediately when the sensor was put into the urethra he just couldn't stop screaming and crying and screaming.. u gave him everything he pointed to he also didnt want them but actually he was pointing at the door because he cant stand being in rm 14 anymore.. poor kid V.

J tan.. my fav boy who had been really cute, hope he's well aft d/c
day surgery, clinic were all rather exciting... w the 2 MOs.. 1 of them really really really look and sound like alex.. think it's his eyes.. so in the OT w the mask on hahaa
the other one was a guy of few words, but i can see he's v caring towards those kidos..

missed the mbbs shorts frm the ward this morning and the malay uncle who told us " we missed the boat" totally reminded me of dr A frm AH..

and 3 frens had birthday recently..
there's ah zui! who had his birthday on tuesday, i'm really sorry i doubted him and demanded for his i/c and even to see wellwishes sms on his phone and calling pple to prove that he's speaking nothing but the truth just cause he wanted mi to buy him a cup of coffee, because he wanted to ask if i was ok.. i buy u next time k..
thnx for being a fren, only getting to know u better from csfc @sgh then medposting @ ah right? haha have a great 23rd year of your life ya! HAPPY BIRTHDAY

then happy birthday to jingjing too.. our dearest jingdama from yunnan... she's been away for q a few mths now and i really miss her.. hope to see her real soon.. then hope everything is going well for her in NZ.. meeting all the people and intereacting with them and experiencing life there!

and happy birthday to chyan ying too.. my jc classmate.. have not seen you in a while.. hope u are doing well and all the best ya! happy 21st!!

cant believe i fell asleep typing this it's 10am on sat now.. wah hafnt slept so well in a long time.. haha :)

oh well, i guess i kinda failed the mcq bit of my med posting and gotta do a re-posting during the elective.

my mum's right i guess.

i'm just not putting enough effort into my work.

hmph.

actually i saw it coming.. but just put it at the back of my head and started on surgery posting happily.. i think there's an inherent problem that needs to be solved..

i better change for the better. well, i will.

my week in urology had been quite fun i guess.
Think the uro centre is quite exciting to have many rooms like for ESWL, uroflow, urodynamics, cystoscopy, ultrasound.. and all the nice nurses and radiologist whom taught us alot..
some tutors are very nice and willing to teach but always like to get us to ask questions.. Dr K whom i followed for a day is a calm man.. dr C is surprisingly nice.. Dr S always ask me how i'm and wat i'm doing everyday.. dr T smells nice.. Dr R is a man of few words but is very kind.. dr K is very cute i think, and taught me abt cystoscopy.. Dr L whoom we just crashed his OT was surprisingly welcoming and discussed q abit w us.. but i hafnt been reading up the whole of this week because i've been out almost everynight.. so better go catch up on my reading now.

i knew it was coming on tv again last nite.. and a fren recommended mi to watch it too..

so i decided to catch the last 45min of it after i came back from the airport..

i started watching it from the part where the coffee machine exploded and made sam all minty before his court appearance, right till the end.. and i couldnt stop crying.. :)

it's a very touching show and rather therapeutic i think.. to induce so much tears.. when i almost forgot abt having tears.

tv and books always get to me, and since i hafnt read a fiction book in a long time.. it's tv that usually trigger some emotions

it's such a touching show, about parenthood, abt love, abt relationships btw frens, near-strangers, family, neighbours..

and of course the tagline is:

love is all you need

私たち。

もう安全に家につきましたか？

ぜったい疲れたでしょう？よく休んでね。 :)

もう一枚。

シンガポールにきて、私にあえて、ありがとう！

昨日の夜、空港で。

バイバイ。。。

今度美保子と美智子ねーちゃんはシンガポールに来って、私本当にうれしかった！

私と美保子は三月前にわかれて、今もう一度会えて、よかった！

私と美智子 ねーちゃんもう6年間あわなくて、久ぶりです。

だから今度の三日間短くても、すごいです。

こんな特別の友情は、ぜったい大事にしています。

みんながんばってください、仕事とか、学校とか、お元気でね！

家族のみんなもよろしくね！

私の家に

お父さん、美智子ねーちゃん、美保子、お母さん

お母さんと私たち、LITTLE INDIA で！

さきCOMPASSPOINTとMUSTAFAにいきました。。

Heineken ビール

カンパイ！

お父さんと美保子と美智子ねーちゃん

boon tong kee のチケンライスといろいろ中国料理、おいしかった

古いの電話

お父さんの推薦！

ぶたのしっぽ、キドニ-、あし、レバ-。。。

bak ku teh!

ぶたしっぽ。。。

指似ってる！

美保子と美智子ねーちゃん、お手洗いに xD

わたしたち、tramに。

昨夜は、ちょっと雨降ったから、すごく涼しくて、気持いい！

キリン、ゾウ、カバ、シカ、サイ。。。見た。かわいい！

night safari は久しくいきません。今回はすごく楽しかった。いろいろ動物みて、シオーをみて、おもしろかった！

while i hafnt been sick in a long while and this time it's q jialat.. headache x 3/7 fever X 1/7 - fluctuating, Tmax unknow a/w chills erm i tink no rigors la.. also a/w malaise, malygia, sorethroat, slight non productive cough.. haiz no good sia

anyway i've been sleeping alot trying to recover w lots of paracetamol & lozenges & homebrew crysanthemum tea + 2 little kinder chocolate.

i got a shock of my life this evening when i checked my mail and found out that my jap frens mihoko and michiko-ne chan is coming to singapore this week.. i immed called japan and my god they actually arrived in singapore this afternoon at 4 pm!!!!
but actually they were following a tour group but they haf free time tmr aft 3 pm so my parents n me, we're going to host them tmr nite! :) how exciting right and gotta see if they have anymore free time on fri and sat or not then i can bring them ard more..

actualli i cant wait 2 see them..
parted w mihoko abt 2mths back when i went over japan to visit their family n stayed w them for abt 5 days.. but hafnt seen michiko ne chan for abt 6 years?? coz she was working in kyushyu i think n missed her when i visited her place in june...
hope they r all fine.. chatted w her over the fone just now abit.. she still sounds the same... like 6 years ago the nites we spent lugging jap-eng eng-jap dictionaries around telling each other abt our countries.. even resorting to drawing pix n stuff just to communicate.. now w my degenerated jap.. hope we can communicate still la..

okok i'll see them tmr.
better do work coz i napped my night away... argh i'm aching all over :(

spent 1.5 weekends watching the show and i finally finished it all, thnx to pple posting it up on youtube. :) i really like the show, it's really funny.. very sweet and awww.. some parts were really touching too.. oh well when i finish a whole drama serial, i'm back to reality once more :) there's always this emptiness that comes with it, isnt it?

i met this japanese couple at city hall mrt station on friday.
the man was queueing up at the ticket machine a couple of people in front of me, but he kept allowing them to go ahead so as to observe how they buy the standard ticket but most people were there to top up their farecard.. so he wasnt sure how to do it.. until it was my turn.. i kinda just went up to him and asked if he needed help.. n w my poorly structured jap sentenses.. we could have some form of communication and he manage to get his tix :) glad to be of help..
it really wont be such a big deal to me if my tutor didnt had a japanese patient up in the ward at KRW..
every morning during rounds i would go into his room.. and see them, his wife looks really friendly and this really proficient translator would be doing her job.. i could more or less understand wat she says but there are certain words that's medically related that's not in my vocab yet.. and they way she speaks with good gramma and very polite . that impresses me.. i've been wanting to have a chat w the patient n his wife but was worried of being impolite and i have no business to disturb patients in the paying class wards anyway so haha just didnt get down to try to commuicate with them.. and after friday's wardrounds.. i wont see them ever again cause he'll b discharged.. and to think i met another japanese couple on friday nite. wat a coincidence.

this is the game i love to play at bernard's place :)
altho yinxian challenged me to link up 2 cubes. i failed :(
i'll try again the next time i go visit.. 

if i've gotten a better camera other than the one of my phone it would have turned out nicer. love the flickering flame that brings a warm glow to the table and the pple around me.. n my martini glass 

end of wk 2 of surg posting
being in the hpb team was very exciting and i think my tutor is really quite nice. Although I had heard alot of stories about him before i started the week with him, it didnt really quite turn out that way.
My tutor taught me from step1 how to scrub in and got me to follow him step by step and later allowed me to join the a laproscopic cholecystectomy and even let me try to put the gallbladder into the plastic bag although i couldnt really do it properly.. n he said i cant b a surgeon with that kinda skill... haa oh well he wasnt the first to say that.

then there was the staying back every night to read case files as i had to know all the patients on his team list well, and present about them on friday.. i was really stressed throughout the whole week and didnt really sleep very well especially on thursday night. sigh. but it was good training i guess.. and i learnt quite abit about the management of some conditions. thanx peiyun for staying back with me and helping me copy case files.

then there was chasing a patient into the ot.. to clerk him but well i was asked to go ahead and clerk him even though he was under GA... haiz thanx ar dr cheong.. and the anesthetist told me he would be really afraid if the patient started talking to me.. it was quite exciting to have tutorial in an ot.. do a pr examination to feel a ca and feel the ca aft the colon was resected.. and yea i was allowed to remove stones from the gallbladder too.

and friday came and went. the presentation went ok, cause i kinda got the patients figured out but i feel quite bad disappointing my tutor, he really expected more and i did too, of myself but i fell short of it i guess. but he was really nice about it and he calls me his mafan "daughter" haha

the whole team's really nice with the nice, well most of it at least and we got a free pizza treat from a patient who was very grateful to have recovered under their care.

i was totally drained by end of ward rounds on friday... but pbl was exciting and fun i must say. like py said, it makes so much more sense now..

at the end of friday.. i was glad huay organize a meeting at timbre.. haa need a drink to let me sleep well and wake up feeling good.
met a couple of her frens from nottingham and drank like 3 glasses? the berry daiquiri is still serene's fav but pls remind me never to order the apple martini ever again.. it was so disappointing.. something similar to the taste of cough syrup? bleagh

anyway the music was good.. as usual but there was this other band who played that was q entertaining.. funnily entertaining and as usual we got q high laugh and stupid things.. it was a good nite out i guess.. miss huayu and to date it's probably our first drink together.. minus the time we got free beer at the country club because it was her birthday... i rem that time i couldnt really drink yet.. haa that seemed like a really long time ago.

i really must apologize for dozing off and getting everyone lost on my way home.. got onto tpe sle instead of tpe pie.. sorry sorry.. especially to huay who drove me back even after she reached her doorstep first. ;( it was 1am+ and i got everyone reaching home much later than we all should have. but thnx huay for the ride. really :)

it was a nice cooling nite to remember.

today we had a farewell dinner for caleb.. he'll b off to taiwan for 1/2 year? or maybe more.. glad to have known this fren and senior.. from the YN '04 trip.. i had been fun :) hope he feel happy over there... n may it b an adventure.. like wat bernard said.

my mum told me alot of stuff over the phone today.. i cant agree more and by agreeing i cant say much as well. because i'm at fault.
i really am.
i'm such a disappointment.