today as i was going home, i saw the evening sky. it was beautiful. clear pale blue realli blue with abit of clouds tt was moving rather quicly.. it made me see n feel the wind much more
n the greyish-white moon in the clear blue sky
with the sun setting, it became more obvious.
it looked peaceful but abit lonely n sad
i was alternating btw looking up at the sky n looking at the rd in case i trip n fall
a guy walking towards me was wondering wat i was looking at n looked up into the sky as well
haha it wasnt a jus for laughs jag but it wud haf been funni, mayb if i pointed?
heh but he realli ought to thank me
for showing him sumthing so pretty.
today i tot i saw him again.
i looked at the guy frequent enuff for him to glare at me haha
three n counting...

recently i hafnt been feeling too good leh the irony is it coincides with my bdae celebration which made mi veri happi but the mood fluctuation was rather drastic
happi angry sad
angry with myself most of the time though. mayb coz the stress level was rather high n the time management shit i had done.
i was kan cheong kan choeng abt the med letter
then had to go for the seminar for my bro coz the freaking ticket was $145 haha
budden i had to admit it was rather cool la learnt quite alot see alot of rick rich buisness man haha then all the heh shake hand shake hand build network kinda pple
the place along the kallang river quite nice n windy la haha if nothing to do go there n sit oso not bad..
then went to eat with serene huayu n peiyun at borders... tink the crayon idea is great haha...
tt fri marks the start of my bdae celeb haa not realli la but abit heh
then sat went ns went kick box went cartel went to watch day aft tmr went to marche for class gathering went to xiangyun's bbq all in a dae ha
kickboxz abit bit sad dont haf liao gotten quite use to this sat activity then aiya like juliana la i guess he stretching n cool downs rather cool haha got all the funni sound like waterfall kind of cooling music then did the troy sowrd fighting thing heh trinity the talkative auntie n of course caroline amanda xian's company haha
but all things come to an end i guess
can go watch spongebob square pants with huiyi n then discuss
it her haha apparently its quite a deeeeeep show heh xiangyun likes it too
the judo gals gave mi a pair of blue slipplers with lots of green buttons n sequine haha tot i wud neva wear anithing with sequine but oh well haha
they r realli nice i like can go with my green giodarno shirt haha
all the exchanging slippers thing at ri toilet.. tsk ying1 mou2
haha
then my gang celeb my bdae with mi.. at ps cafe cartel.. and guess wat gang gave me haha
things tt shock mi with everi tear of those newspaper ie classified ad n main paper.
there's
julie's stereo rich chocolate cookie instead of oreo.
chocky strawberry stick instead of pocky
mili mushroom instead of narcissus mushroom
mi-u white grape instead of qoo
twinkles milk chocolate beans * 3 instead of smarties
president cup noodle instead of super
kickapoo joy juice instead of mountain dew
plus clairol herbal essence fruit fusion conditioner tt has papaya starfruit mandarin wow rather powerful smell haha
the pink jewel biscuit with two pig ears n a little yellow one haha
and of course the little korean jinseng drink tt if i keep long enuff it might jus become a jinseng spirit honestly i dont dare to drink i haha
peiyun gave mi a purple eeyore cup nice dont bear to use its a mugger mug la next time can use when i start my no life mugging haha
oh well this is gang giving mi presents tt no one else in the world can tink off haha making mi take pics tt make mi look crazy oh well huayu tink tts happy but erm
thanx pple for all da effort n haha-ness
went perlini silver ot use the bithday thing tt 50% discount thingy made mi visit the shop three times la bought this big earrings mus find an occassion to wear la
then went to watch the day aft tmr..
wat a show so geog but i like the weather signs r reallli cool hurrican tsunamis omg... scary n disturbing man
ice ae? i guess it might come i mean not so soon la butin many many years hopefully by then some one might think of sumthing but if everione dies hope sumthing can b left behind so lesson can b learnt...
wat if we ll die tmr ?
i like geog i mean the weather is so powerful it kill pple like flies la,..
i mean looking at cumulonimbus clouds or cirrus for tt matter make mi rather happi haha
oh well if i die tmr, i ll jus dieno regets erm i hope
went to meet 3F at marche
a long long table i came rather late but glad i got to see them
soon enuff we will all be heading into diff directions in our lives literally n metamorphically.
know them for two short yrs but jc life was wow...
so guess i ll tink of them sumtime but might not get a chance to see them in a long long while aft those whu r going overseas go overseas..
tok chit chat tok n as usual when i tok they kept laughing dunnoe y veri fuuni meh but oh well glad i entertain pple
went to cherry hill xiangyun's uncle place at almost 10+
i forgot its her grandma's bdae bbq when she told mi then i remembered her telling mi
i tot it was onli a fam gathering
so i felt realli REALLI bad for missing her grandma coz she went home 10min b4 i arrived
tt was realli impolite of mi la
n mi n her grandma so good fren i realli like her
tt started the spiral of my bad mood for the nite
angry with mi self for screwing up being late n missing grandma
oso angry i forgot to tell huayu to call my dad until she almost cant learn on sun morn
damn pissed with myself la n the ultra eventful sat frm 7am to almost 12 midnight running ard
sigh
n angry with my self for losing my temper with my parents my bro everithing la
n the constant nagging thought tt i ought to b happi coz sun is my bdae but i seem to b screwing up everi where argh...
watched all in until i cant open my eyes animore
then sleep
then cums sunday haa
went tuition blegh
but i dont realli mind la actualli
trying to help as much as i can la then when i cant realli teach liao argh cant imagine how i can arrange my time
n xiangyun's suggested accomodation
tinking tinking tinking
saw zhiying's elder sis's tuition teacher who is a M2 student mugging her tink med bk will the kid is doing maths haha
sighon my way home i saw butterfly tt didnt seem to b flying too steadily n abit too low among the bushes
on a closer look tt butterfly actualli had a chipped wing
ike a giant hole on one of its wing sigh
felt rather sad for it like so poor thing
a handicapped butterfly
or as john floppe the guy w/o both arms says,
its a condition not a disability depending on how u view it
life's hard i guess
then mona lisa's smile
the shows not too bad reminded mi of rgs like serene says
smartie girls whu dont complain when their teacher dont seem too steady n wud rather self study
but tradition tradition?
women's place in the society the idea of tradition n the 50s
i guess its slowly spiralling into non existence now with women finding their place in society searching for their footing..
i tink being a housewife is a whole new science by itself which i tink entails so much most of us girls cant take it now i dont even noe when i ever ll b... but its not in the near future let alone the further future so sigh
giselle's lonely daring but nice n diff enuff
betty is ms omg-hafta-roll-my-eyes smartie ass
i cant realli figure out how she can love watson so much after her marriage went bad
girls tradition oppression
glad i m not in all those
but they r actualli work in producing fine women with propierty but pple obessed with tt scary
the onli prob i haf in tt show is looking at julia roberts cant make mi feel its 1954. she looked like how she did in my best fren's wedding or pretty woman?
her clothing kinda suggest she's suppose to b in tt era but kinda.
O_o"
mayb she has a modern face but the character is there i feel no doubt.
nite is fam dinner.
all three of us r rather grown up now when i linger behind looking at the backs of my fam members haa
went to a jap restaurant called nabeya masakatsu at orchard parade hotel.
the food is not too bad.
i went for the sukiyaki but i didnt get it but oh well its ok my dad mum n dage dont realli eat beef
n my mum hates miso
haha guess jap food dont realli clique with them too well haha
ate the hot pot huo guo kinda thing n shared three bento n guess wat everione was still hungry haha
was tinking of judo guys cant survive on 1 bento my bros are of tseming's size.. hah
so er ge suggest we go get kfc
like the good old days
we didnt realli haf alot of fast food when we were yound coz it was too much of a luxury but haha everi bdae we always had kfc
so off we went n my dad suggested the amk one the exact one we used to go too when we were all kids
amk brings bk memories many many
n i guess tt how fast time went scary ya noe
now i kinda feel a teeny weeny bit daunted by med like no life ani more
im excited but abit nervous but well..
i can do it.
so aft a kfc family fest we went home to eat cake.
my mama baked a chocolate cake for mi with the icing n the name on haha
well the cake down i cudnt move hafing ate three times for a fam dinner haa
then the day ended good with my fav show wif tt cute guy i liked so well haha
today is monday went bay shore for tuition
wadee drew mi a bdae note in the notebk i write her hw in haha
i had to turn the page to write n i saw her covering her face with her asssessment bk.. i tot she saw sum bug n was trying not to scream
but she was trying to contain her excitment to await my surprise look when i saw the note haa
tt's sweet.
on my way home out along the long rd tt i hafta walk on i saw a pretty yellow bird lying on the pavement
i looked at it n its eyes were close.
didnt noe birds r suppose to haf eye lids
it looked realli still
still.
i guess it died i cant b sleeping, can it?
jus then when i didnt noe wat to do. my hp rang n it was shelia frm ocbc bank n i had alot to asked her i wanted to do sumthing
but i turned n saw the security guard looking
i dint noe y but i fled i jus walked away
dont noe y mayb i didnt realli noe wat to do with it/to it
at the junction i saw the bus n i ran for it
onli when i boarded the bus did i start to regret not stopping to move it
mayb move it to the grass patch or sumthing so tt no one wud accidentally step on it? or no bicycle might run it over n kill it again?
i dont noe y didnt i do anithing n jus walked away sigh
but it looked so peaceful tt i didnt realli dare to touch it
like its so delicate bright yellow
i had a thing with birds i dont realli now how to touch them like i might jus break their bones coz they r so small n delicate
a bird one got trap in the window grill of my home n cudnt get out
i couldnt hold it to release it coz it looked panicky n so was i
i opened one side of the grill on finally it hopped out but i didnt leave b4 hopping onto my parents bed n television
wat a bird.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

haha com was down then recently haf so much to say but today too happening liao then cant realli tink properly hehe
aniwae got in got in got in liao
whew
realli thankful n happi wat a bdae present.
realli realli thankful la keep tiking if i blind see wrongly but accepted the course alreadi
veri tired now tink too much excitement then jiao luan + aft swimming 30laps today damn tired...
when i first heard can check damn nervous n shaky
then check liao veri excited
then aft tt now rather tired wow too much for a day
tink i ll sleep earli
then tuition tuition tuition tmr again.

breathe breathe..

someone once told mi tt writing a diary might not b a veri accurate record/account of wat realli happened n wat u were feeling at tt time.. it might jus b wat u hope the thing might b or how u perceived the whole thing n belive it to b hmm quite true but can b a reflection as well i guess
trying to capture the fleeting moment of feeling so anitime i feel like writing anithing i wud jote down i note bk first...

aniwae the interview was ok la not too bad tink i got it provisionally they say they will present if i get into pharmacy
told them abt ocbc then they say when the time comes to decide then tell them. tink will discuss with them when i going to sign the ocbc one la..
like the pple in the interviewer there la nice n friendly
the ceo 'ohaiyoogozaimasu' me haha i had to ohaiyo bk la
b4 i went in fluorence the hr person kept gd-lucking mi ask mi dont b nervous
then i waited outside ar the lift lobby when pple stare i jus smile faintly then they will smile bk too haha
then got one mr goh who said 'ni hao' to fluorence n fluorence jus told him,'mr goh, ni zui hao la'
he asked mi if this is my first job interview then i told him scholarship he jus oh n smile n waved before hopping into the lift tt came
haha nice friendly mr goh

but sigh left my wallet on the top of the toilet paper holder in the has toilet.. wth almost lost it la but heng a hr person went into the same cubicle n found it n came to return to mi as i was waiting to go in for the interview la... i didnt even realise shit.. sigh hope i dont lose anithing impt again aft losing my phone with all the nos n impt msges inside.. cant get them bk la *sobz*
if i lose wallet or phone again i can go bang into the wall n die la huh

went ora on sun too with gang n huayu+serene in uniform
miss the sch miss wearing uniform carrying my red bag n taking train with them in the outfit like a normal sch day going home lidat..
didnt realli do much there la walked ard... met miss lim saw some rgs teachers then eat swee hsien marshmallows n ernest's complimentary curry puff..
signed in the batch bk as well haha saw a so5a 20yrs ago haha scary..
the rafflesian idol n walked ard taking photos aiyoh miss the sch as well i guess n sitting in the lt in my fav seat... haha can still imagine those days in school sigh dunnoe la
met pple tok tink of the old days haha

n i met wenhui my pri sch fren tt i hafnt see for like 6yrs
wow still look almost the same haha
the guy whu used to sit in front of mi in p6 always quarrel
hafnt seen him ard... he boarded the 156 i recog him called but he didnt hear then i veri sure so jus went to grab his arm as he walked past then he stared like 2sec b4 recog mi haha
tok abt the old days n the old pple la he was telling mi yongsheng still haf the same smile n face altho got the commando body now haha i agree i guess..
at gathering last time realised pple still looked the same jus diff shen cai n hairstyle or else the face still there freaky rite? know most of them for more than 10yrs liao haha
hope to meet them soon sumday

wat the fuck cant stand the attitude n face tt my bro is giving my mama.. he can go eat shit la

finally donated blood today :)
dunnoe y since young i've always wanted to donate
mayb the tot of being able to help someone n tt fireman commercial haha
bk in j1, they came rj. wanted to donate but my mama jus refused to sign e authorisation form. was under 17
i was rather angry
but i knew she meant well la
the nkf screeners everiyear say my bp slightly lower then normal pple then rarely i ll feel faint suddenly oso...
j2 no need parental consent liao budden was sick took anitbiotics then cannot

HSA 1st interview tt time saw the blood bak in the same building
but was rushing for the ocbc bank interview so didnt donate
tot if i get my 2nd interview will cum bk to donate then
so haha
the pple there quite nice n friendly, non stop thankews
i got a sticker tt says,'be nice to me. tis is my first donation!'
ha with a heart shaped design somemore.
it was ok la... the filling of a many qn questionaire
the toking to a medical officer take weight bp etc
then the mo is called e widjaya... reminded mi of hardy...
then proceed to counter 5 to test haemoglobin
wa tot like blood test – staple abit onli
but this one different leh, rather pain then a lot of blood… the nurse squeezed then my blood shot across quite a distance n splattered on the table.
Healthy pumping heart huh. Then the nurse oso WA! Haha
then test my haemoglobin level is 12.7 below 12 cannot so heng or else stapled ten cant donate.
then into the rm abit like the kidney dialysis centre lidat

a foreign country nurse explained everithing
me malu tried to climb up the bed frm the propped-up-late part.. actualli no need mus frm the swingable hand side so she quite shocked haha
the funkynurse with punky hair came to find artery
as usual mi so much bah cant find on the right hand
abit more prominent on the left so yep LHS it is
then green antiseptic liquid to make sure tt par of hand bacteria free.
then stress ball to squeeze...
then a first injection to pop up the area coz the second needle rather ig like a thin straw macam satay stick thick
i dilated my eyes n omg....
then the poke but not painleh jus wa...
abit hard to find the artery i tink she manuveor quite abit to stick almost the whole thing in,...
n it started lor...
blood red is the colour i guess..
got this thing tt moves like a seesaw to seesaw the blood
mi can donate 1 packet onli coz i dont haf alot of haemoglobin..
asked how much then the nice chinese auntie/nurse say like coke can lidat. nice malay auntie later say 300ml.
then the nurses gave mi iron tablets then cream coz they say my flesh soft will get bruise haha sigh jus flabby arm la..
then nice malay auntie put the packet of blood in my hand..
it was rather warm, rather warm.

it was like awww.. some warm current like seeped thru mi abit touched la. hope it will save someone
then got the huat guay refreshment the cake thing tt always used to offer to gods then dont realli like didnt noe abit high class cafe at hsa oso got sell tt + milo.

oh nice chinese auntie ask mi whu recommended mi here
i say coz i came for scholarship interview then ya saw n came in
she was like "oh so can or not? i onli tok to u abit, but think u r a veri nice person." then as she walked away she turned ard n said,"u can do it"
haha wat a feel good session
aww.. i ll take tt as she meant it la n thank her for her compliment.

saw quite a few pplw: yound ladies taitai middle-aged uncles yong man with motorcycle helmet...
one uncle looked like blackie ke shou liang haha wan an uncanny resemblance...

never know when we'll drop dead
came to terms tt when the time comes, it comes n we die.
pple shud go donate blood la i guess

10/05/04 11am

finally
so many things happened over the past few days
happy sad happy sad

nothing beats a nice old can of coke
but i mus say the pepsi ad is good

out of pt

happi thing 405 gathering at noelle's house last fri
glad tt i still found it comfortable to tok to my ex classmates
gald to haf went even if includ a 1 hr ++ travel frm bayshore
tok to jan abt sch kids crystal too
but mostly abt life now n work
confused abit abt do pple change...
last time many pple told mi i change
did i or did i not
till this day... hmm..
but guess i was on the move non-stop action tt's y i cudnt c?
now i'm slow n stagnant tinking more but see things in diff light liao
a topic tt i dont like to broach on n neva will b good at?
jus take it as it comes with the pseudo optimism
too late cant tink liao

aniwae tok alot abt my kids tt day then can rattle on n on with jan /o hafing to sense glasses clanking n dust being blown due to the boredom i brought... ha
pple with same experiences can relate better la i guess
a happi nite

then sat came went for k box but dont haf aft macs breakfast manda carol xian suppose to cum my house
happi thing
but figured i lost my hp when i reach the lift landing
huimin neva lose her things
her ex things lor
ask xiangyun how paranoid she was when she was young... will squat down in the middle of no where to search her bag for her wallet haha
i dont lose my things lor
but as carol they all say there is always a first time
called interchanges to no avail...
concluded tt the bus person at changi interchange is more helpful then the one at hougang

but well didnt si xin
went up one hour worth of 27.... starting frm ard the time it takes to loop bk to sengkang
abt 10+buses i tink
didnt find anithing
but most drivers r nice...
onli one sickening whu kept telling mi he's driving off he's driving off when i went up to seach
relac la uncle
sigh
the rest r generally nice but they gave mi the ' u r too hopeful la' look which i guess i true
wud i return a hp if i pick up one?
my idea of finder's keeper but hmmm
mayb aft this incident n my fav purple i can b fren of police man.. no more fren of singa this yr haha
mayb
but now tt i lost a phone haha
may---b?

sigh cant take it lost all my no
my contacts like wif pri sch pple.. but with batch directory n class can still find bk most
sigh dont like to lose things...
i can win fren of karang guni award as well
the things i keep haa

then sun nite went to attend a malay wedding hafnt done it since i was veri young
spicy but gd food tink xinyi will luv...
weddings hmm the hassle but the happiness can b felt la
my tuition kid wans to b invited to my wedding? haha like how long she muz wait? see her pattern scarli i go attend hers like a spinster haha

mid yr tuition many times a wk scary..
stress but i tried la dunnoe can not cannot boh pian sack mi then?

happi sad happi sad until dont feel anithing much generally
but was rather ju sang on sat la.. like sitting on the little stone slab to wait for 27?
the met the judo girls then happi until like siao n tok funnily haha
wierd...oh the 1 hr 14 bus ride realized tt east coast rd got alot of eateries... mus go try one day mayb in aug when i can drive liao then can borrow my bro's bread van the drive my frens ard for supper... i'm assuming a one-time pass hafta stress got big shoes to fill frm past 2 examples

i tink my parasympathetic vagus nerve activity rather powerful most of the time.. the bk i reading wow got many this big terms....

hoping to find sumthing tt stimulates the sympathetic one then pulse will race n bp will rise.,.. haha
the heart - mind issuse quite intriguing.. hafta learn alot frm him...

met a bus driver on 372 on my way to tuition then met the same one aft my tuition
yuan fen? yi mian zhi yuan onli la...
same thing happened in little india oso met the same couple before n aft my tuition at the same place summore scary...
wat is it with ang moh n little india? they r everiwhere?
n i feel tt tt place is not even the generalized protrayal of singapore... but the place can see uncommon things
pple selling 2nd hand goods in lorries...
pple sleeping along the rd..
at night pple so dark u tink they r shadows until u make out their features then u jump abit
pple so dark u tink they statue until they move.. scary haha

btw like i told serene the boat's here
i see mani mani funerals scary
muz b careful but i guesss everione has their time la
so no scared la
the ah gong gong gor club established together with the merk sharp n dome life sciences lab at rgs haha
with philip yeo eppendorf tubes n orchids yea