I had a short nap and woke up after a nightmare
It was at a dark place and I was running around like a headless chicken, met some people I knew who didn’t want me to tag along
As I watch them hurried away, I never felt more alone before.

Then I woke up, another sad reality check
This is the last days of my hols

I have not written for 2 months
For 2 months I just kept working, kept trying to do the tasks I were asked to
Sometimes I feel that I might actually be a workaholic at heart, I would tell myself you have nothing much to do at home too, if you don’t stay behind to complete your work
Maybe this accounts to my lack of social activities, also because I’m too lazy and tired to be the usual organiser
I shall resolute to be the party organiser, if and when I find the time and motivation to. haha, that doesn’t sound promising.

The holidays is nice at relaxing, but scary at the same time at times
I would go to town, wait for my family members to be done with their appointments, shop ard in the middle of the day by myself, and as I watch the crowd pass me by, I’ve never felt more by myself.
It because in the hospitals, sometimes things revolve around me, in my little orbit, everyone wants me to do something for them, and I’ll do it and there’s this constant interaction between me and the staff and the patient and their families
Now when I’m on leave, my time belongs to myself, no one else but myself
I kinda like it at times, I can take time to just sleep, laze around, go out with my mum, watch a movie in the middle of the day, go for supper with my friends, that’s why I don’t want it to end.
I actually feel that work isn’t everything, I just need to let it go at times, before it consumes me.
At the same time, it gives me time to think about stuff, the scary future that’s beholds, the unknown, what do I really want to do, what do I want out of my life, I’m 24, to myself when I was 10, I’m more than an adult already. But now I feel like I’m still a kid, why does everyone seem to want me to figure out what I want to do with my life, why do I demand myself to go find out, just because we cant waste our life away, because we don’t want to wait till it’s too late, then figure it out.
But I still insists in a kid? can’t I? there are times where I’m out with friends, I realised that if I need to do the math, be the planner, be the one in control, I can. I always have been. But sometimes I just don’t want to. I just want to have fun and slack and someone else do the math, be the planner, be the one in control. haha.
I’m getting confused. by myself as usual
Me, who truly believes in escapism, hopes that everything will run it course, problems will solve themselves, when I wake up from my sleep
Time and time again, I only wake up to reality, which suck sometimes

I think I complained too much over the last 3 months of work
I also thought I was a good natured, even tempered person, in public at least haa
I don’t like it when I feel very negative about someone in particular
I should not let scums in the world bother me, they are just a waste of my time
So please remind me if I ever start complaining again, huimin please remind yourself.
It sucks to complain all the time, makes you relive your unhappiness
just forget, I forget, but I don’t forgive? haha but if you are a constant thorn in my flesh, it takes a lot for me to forget, doesn’t it?

All in all, I worry I’ve transformed into someone who lives for the next leave, for the next time to travel/sleep a little more.
I need to find more in life than this, isn’t it?