well i actually heard this song over class 95 last nite and wanted to post it at 2am but my house actually suffered a blackout while i was trying to finish my case writeup.. i looked around for help but everyone's sleeping so the darkness kinda didnt bother them.. luckily i had a torch just in my drawer and manage to save my ass by flicking tt essential switch within the mains.. :)

this wk at CTVS.. well i've always been rather interested in the heart stuff.. and this week kinda demistifies cardiac surgeries to me.. altho i watched abit of 2 CABGs.. it was brought wat the books say to life.. how they do the sternotomy, how the saw the sternum w like an electic saw, how they harvest the LIMA and saphenous vein.. how they test the tiny holes tt were created in the veins n patch it up.. how to stitch the vessel to bypass the coronary artery.. well i only watched till tt part.. how they stitch up the sternum w wires etc etc

seeing a heart pumping right infront of your eyes.. that guy showed mi his heart, his true real heart.. i could see it pumping.. but i wonder where do emotions come from.. sayings such as follow you heart, listen to your heart.. is the heart physiologically related to emotions? i wonder.. or issit just another organ in human's anatomy that performs those functions we think we know of? i wanted to ask someone.. like a surgeon, this qn but didnt find the right time or the right feeling to discuss such stuff.. probably they'll find it a weird question right?

oh well.. in my wk i also kinda helped out to do discharge summaries and double up as the mysterious masked 1/2 student of the vascular team.. only appearing during ot behind the mask..

yea these are the stuff i did, and the grand ward rounds topic was self harm that was really interesting.. i think we can catergorize people who harm themselves into 2 kinds, those who want to die and those who dont. they inflict pain upon themselves because physical pain is so much more bearable than emotional pain. and they feel relieved after they harm themselves, be it cutting themselves or other stuff... kids also can respond in such a way manifesting as head-banging and biting themselves i think.. they cope w these behavioural changes.. the speaker's really q cool cause he writes articles regularly, analyzing paintings done by patients with psychiartic problems and getting a peek into their lives and their minds..

such thoughts might have crossed my mindsbefore.. i had had times when i wanted to inflict some pain.. but i dun noe where or how to.. i look at my hands and thought to myself that i should protect them to do procedures next time and i cant find a place to put those weird thoughts into action so i gave up. but oh well the speaker suggested the inner thigh is where these patients like to cut themselves because it's a private thing and they dont wan pple to see it.. hmm

recently i'm on these exhilarating roller coaster rides that i love so much.. it's rough.

oh n i got this eye infection now.. causing blurred vision and lotsa discomfort but i gotta finish my bit on the pharmaco presentation by my cg tonight! my eyes can barely open... mayb i should watch some brad pitt on youtube or something..

all in all 6wks of surgery's over n i think i had fun.. there's so much more to learn isnt it?
Dr C offered me a tutorial w him on CTVS in nov.. hope we ll make it come true.
Dr V is a nice russian man, who's really q cute and nice, but he has his moments too.. the first thing he spoke to me was, " do you want to be a heart surgeon?"
Dr A is a nice german lady, who has a heavy workload but i like her cause she taught me alot.. i sense her fustration when pple dont understand her cause she's a foreigner and she has a strong accent but she's nice.
Dr Z is a blangdashi man, who's the only doc so far that truely remembers my name.. for the whole week! he told me medical students will become doctors 3 times in their life
1) when they get into medical school
2) when they start their clinical postings
3) when they graduate..
haha he's the chest tube man, seriously!

the stimulation thingy was q exciting to me actually, altho our tutor only stayed with us 1/3 of the time.. but i get to play w stuff i only see on tv.. i defibrillated the dummy man.. w a real thing! somehow in my mind it didnt click tt the machine was real.. cause it's my first time touching it and i was kinda just exploring it.. it could have been dangerous.. intubation of a mummy, giving o2, giving meds, bloods etcetc
impt practical skills huh..
and seeing it done in OT today made it more meaningful as well :)

pharmaco pharmaco pharmaco..
have a good weekend..