it's 1:38 am
my dark eyerings ll never go away.
my wk started off bad i guess haha
altho i manage to meet up w 3f huay+serene+py alljudogals n allfamily in the wkend.. it kinda buildup my tiredness n sleeplessness haha n it jus hit mi real bad on monday
fever sorethroat flu u name it
tue was the worst of the bout of illness
and got better subsequently... the fever went down the sorethroat left but the flu was left behind lingering in my airpassages

termsheets r all settled
did another publication format..
but learnt sumthing new again
like how they keep records of the inv and how u use excel to tell u the maturity date is soon n the traders got to watch out n stuff
tt's abit more data entry but well get to c which org can afford to deposit mio w the bank haha
n had q a abit of fun search for the funni files
yt spent alot of time today teaching mi inverse floater n how they calculate the forward IR
so learnt alot

enuff abt work
as i cum towards the end of my working stint
one more wk left
grateful for the real break
to rest
but tink ill miss the pple there
they r realli nice
but dunnoe if we wud b in contact aft im gone
i came to realise tt im inconsequential there
prob aft a day or so
no one wud notice tt im not there animore
i wud look bk and b glad to b given this experience in a trading rm
but i ll move on
like i always did
mayb i always move on too quickly
everi stage of my life
its how i grow up n learn e easy way out u see
being super nostalgic n stuff is damn tiring.. not particularly abt this working stint but everi phase of my life in general.. mayb i always move on so quickly tt i leave pple behind n when i turn bk to look they r too far away.. then i cud onli jus move ahead.. its kinda like retribution or sumthing.. i always run away frm pain n distrubances i tink.. until its like stillwater heh

dunnoe if its good or bad
but its jus decisions
n prob too late to turn bk time
i ll jus leave w it
too mani things undone
too mani things unsaid
bottled up too much stuff

but im learnign haa
these days ill jus go ahead n do things i wan2 do
say things i wan2 say
coz if u tink too much
u ll lose to moment to do it
n prob ll regret next time..
tt's y its always the go ahead sign for mi
applicable onli for new things?
old history is too long too messy for mi to b able to do things so boldly w/o hesistation

haha
so much hua zhong hua
lets go bk to normal story tellg

im going to make a speech this thu
in front of the CEO of oc
argh
ll i stage fright n die?
haha
but i mus tell myself tt i dint take speech n drama for 2yrs in rg for nothing rite?

dunnoe la
i taying coz ttday kl kept complaining into my ear until my head was going to burst.. on tt feverish day
i dont mind speaking itink
hope i can do it well
its jus tt i noe i cant write well
i cant damn freaking write the bloody speech myself la
feel abit sian
like face off w the biggest weakness i haf.
writing well.
i ll try.. read more n stuff rite but its gonna take time :S
but chadwick was nice enuff to give my ideas n help mi along editing the speech too which im grateful for.

i felt abit bad today
ashamed
coz i did sumthing against my principle
was q proud myself for a moment then i dunnoe y i jus said it n felt lousy
argh
its prob not impt
but its against my beliefs
i hold my beliefs w great importance because i crumble w/o them
so im hit most badly when i do things i feel tt i shudnt haf done
much more than when i do things others think i shudnt haf done

watever la
words tt leave ur mouth can never cum bk

words tt never leave ur mouth might not b good too
so
watever la

im making jelly for them i tink
last chance aniway
cant thank them enuff

im sorry my frens haf to hear my rattle off abt work
tts the onli thing tts happening to mi now at least..
wait for 1-jul
then i wont say it animore haha
hopefully

pple get tired of listening to mi tok easily i tink
so its no gd huh
ok

n i carry too much access baggage?
like my frens were saying to mi tonite
i tink so too
but dunnoe y leh
dunnoe how to say la

went zouk tt nite
the germbag still drank abit la
lychee martini
long island
1/3 of a shot of tequila
n a shot of B52?32? the one w baileys.,.. suprisingly nice n sweet

was tt too little?
wasnt even tipsy or anithing
but jus wanted to try it
dun wan my git/liver to die tho heh
interestg pple dancing funnily
but met up w bel zj ws sw colleen
feel happi to fulfil my promise to meet up w them
i make empty promises to easily i tink
it always haunts b (well for a while) aft i didnt do wat i promise..
so i mus b more cautious w promising
n make it a pt to make it cum true
was fun
listening to their lives
their experiences
n hafing fun la
except for the smoke i kinda like e place
gd to clear a mind of everithing
w the lights n noise huh

i NEED SLP
the kid better dont b late tmr
coz im always in a bad mood when im sleepy
n i tolerate her for v long liao.. too long for mi to take it le
sian

hope to haf a gd day ahead.