wat a weird day
my day started bad n it ended bad
but i had a great day in btw

im in a super bad mood now
pui

-angry tt i gave my parents sum sucky shitty attitude again
-angry w myself, always waiting when wkend cums. shit.
i tink i noe wat can put an end to it.. but im waiting for tt chance too
-angry w sumone
nothing impt jus bad vibes
-angry tt i put on alot of weight this hols
-angry i got zits on my forehead, so mani leh macam like during exams
-angry tt i noe my weird sleeping hrs r causing e zits but im still awake n typing at 1am+
-angry for being so childish n being angry
-angry tt sometime in e day i said sumthing i felt came out wrong. i hate this. things tt i say usualli dont cum out the way i mean it, n the sickening thing is i tok so much n then the probability of tt happening is usually high
life's a contradiction man. or a vicious cycle. wat-ever

*jus tok to xinyiairen hah feelg abit better
n playing jaychou cd trying to cheer myself up w it
dunnoe if it still works animore?

i was angry this morn
-angry tt i woke up late at 945. when i planned to leave the house
-angry w my dage coz he promise to send mi to potong pasir budden he made mi wait at the carpark for lik 15min until watever time i cud save frm his ride is gone
-angry tt i had to wait until i kicked his bumper

but i didnt fabiqi coz i noe he's already doing mi a favor
n i realized he was preparing frm work n had to bathe n stuff, coz i tot today he aft shift then he relaxing the morn away still make mi wait
well im glad i didnt b a bitch abt it

i jus took a deep breath
hop onto the van
onli started to talk aft i swallowed all the bad n accusing words tt were abt to cum out
i meant like jus swallow them in
but it felt q bad for a while
n im pissed off tt i cudnt do e same to my parents n my attitude is bad again.
mayb i shud train until bad things jus dont cum out by reflex even at home.
im damn well train w frens n strangers coz i jus swallow all the sinsiter spiteful words when they r at the tip of the tongue
then at home i take family for granted n anithing i bushuang then i jus blast at them
which sounds hypocritical
but its not
coz i didnt planned it
but its jus lidat
i tink i shud build tt front for everione
haha but i tink eventually i might jus swallow myself up
everithing tt cums out becomes mild n harmless? haha
we'll see
-n i got a feelg ani fren reading this ll tink im scary again.
O_o"
well if i realli eventually become a v even tempered person to everione mayb writing it might b the onli way to vent
all this bottling is increasing BP sia scarli i become hypertensive

on a lighter note
i had alot of fun today
w the judo gals
klunch was fun, hafnt ktv for ages
as usual in my company there's someone the hamsup staff is interested to noe :p
went to shop n bought a pair of 3/4 jeans tt fit q well n i like so happiness
saw another bag tt interest mi slightly but its 49 so forget it
met huiyi n had dinner at galilee(?spellg)
-my fav jay song track 6 is playing now-
super worth it 5.90 n the foods nice! where the old lips cafe was w nice big windows n super comfy furniture
hang out there n nua w them.. was so comfy we didnt wan to move
i enjoy their company :D
went esplanade n the upstairs there is realli nice n windy w a full moon n bright lights frm all the tall buildings
went home aft tt

-im too nua
but if i dont nua now when else rite
-im not too gd a tutor i tink
i feel tt i cud do better but sometimes feel abit inadequate
n these days when sometimes i need to explain the qn mani mani times ill lose my patience
i noe the tone of my voice shows it altho i ll breathe n curb it
i never scold them but i dislike my own impatience w my kids
tuition was somthing i didnt mind last time
but sometimes these days its a chore
when i dwell n complain means it irritates mi
but y does it irritate mi so much
of coz the kids bad attitude is a factor
but i also think my patience thinning is a factor too
but i dont like it

im always unhappi at being unhappi
wat kind of shit is tt
n i cant stop tutoring aniway
coz im trying to wean off my parents - i eat sai if i dont earn $ lor
like i always say

but argh im q pissed off la these days
it comes in bouts then i can b realli happi too

shud i blame it to perpectual tiredness n lack of slp?
i better go slp now.